Devastated but not Defeated!

It is said we live through our children.  To a degree this may be true.  As parents, we try to raise our children better than we thought we were raised.  We invest time, a lot of money, love, confidence so they can have a grand future.   How is this working?

The sad reality is children grow and go no matter how we raise them. We can be great parents according to our perspective, or we can be terrible parents according to their perspective.

What is the point then?  Parenting is a tough job. The world is against us in many ways. Our children are exposed to everything we try to protect them from.  What we said no to is the first thing they seek out when given a chance. Some adult children reflect on instilled values and use them as their guide.   Others have to tread on all sorts of troublesome paths and have to suffer consequences they never contemplated.  Yet, they come to the parents for a bail out with many affectionate promises.  We suffer right along with them, no, we suffer more.

The emotional an financial consequences to parents are deeper and far more extensive than the young adult cares to imagine.   As adults to whom made their own choices that were not always the best, we can see where a situation is headed. Sadly, the young adult grows deaf as we inquire, reason or suggest. They imagine they are smarter an wiser.  In fact they do not have the ability to see in their mind’s eye that we were young like them.  An they cannot see they will get old like us.

It is good to be there for our loved ones.  Yet, we must be cautious not to have our love exploited. We cannot have trust, faith, an confidence in them to an unfailing degree. They will make choices we would not want them to make. Our children may disappoint us at times.

Imagine the 1950’s era parents an how they suffered with hippy era children. There were not cell phones, so if your young adult went off on an adventure it may have been a long time before knowledge of safety and wellness was recieved.  Each era has it’s benefits and it’s grief.

The conclusion I have come to is that there has never been a perfect parent and there is no perfect child. The only perfect parent is Jehovah and his son Jesus was a perfect child.

When Adam an Eve disobeyed their father Jehovah he was devastated.   Yet, he refused to let his affections leave him defeated.  Jehovah had to step back an leave them to go the way of their own choosing.  Jehovah was a perfect parent, he generously provided for all their needs.  They could have been perfect children yet they threw it away choosing to ignore the warnings from their father.

As Jehovah was a perfect parent an yet his two children with free-will made devasting choices our children too may at times lack appreciation or they may make choices that confound us.  We may be hurt and disappointed.

I believe when our children disappoint us, we need not blame ourselves or our mate.  Some children come around later, and we can have faith they will.  If we invested love, and good training in their upbringing then we can hope they will return to the things beneficial.

We need not be defeated.  We have our own life to continue living with Joy.   It is vital we let go of those with free will and have confidence in their return. We have a responsibility to learn how to live our life well by using our free will in a most beneficial manner being a good example for our children to long to return to.  Are you living your life?

Imagine the interests that were put off to raise children.  It is time to contemplate the interests that were negated and invest in our future as we learn to live a joyful life. Our job is to raise a new generation, let go, live a few years productively until they must return to care for our needs when we are old.  So really, whom has the last laugh.  The elderly as they piss away their dignity with little control so they learn to enjoy the small things in life.

It is important we learn to enjoy small joys and activities while we are still young enough.  Why wait until we are old?  We are not defeated because we know we were not perfect children, we were not perfect young adults and nor were we perfect parents.  So we cannot take it personally when our children make greivious decisions.  Let us live!

 

Advertisements

How do you keep your mind positive to deal with life’s realities?

IMG-20170523-WA0013

Life continues in a routine then something happens…the other shoe you anticipate in the back of your mind. You never know what and you strive not to be a pessimist.  Whom wants to be in expectation of gloom?.

Can we be in expectation of good?  How can we be recipients of good?

Imagine if you did not plant your garden because you believe a hurricane might come this year and wipe out your hard work. Denying ourselves the joy of gardening is a crime isn’t it.  I believe Jehovah told Adam to tend the garden.

Not only would you miss out on the joy of planning your garden, the joy of working it, and the joy of the harvest Through out the season.  Pessimism is the weed like effect in your garden of life.

We must root out the pessimism in our life.  There may be reasons we base our pessimism as if it were fact.

Disappointments, hardships, and life’s realities could cause us to feel we are protecting our heart and mind by not having false hopes.

When we have belief systems in place because of prior experience or propoganda. This is an infringement that does not leave us open.  For instance:  I was born blond and have always been blond.  However, I noticed those with deeper darker hair colors had others respect or confidence almost immediately.  I dyed my hair a deep brown.  Not only did I feel more confident, I noticed I was treated differently by the same people.  Suddenly, competent!  I am at my own hair color and happy about it.  Yet, I learned a lot about people’s preconcieved notions.

Another attitude is about overweight people. Having experienced the stress of my own obesity after prolonged medical problems and medications, I understand all overweight people are not that way because of excessive food or lack of exercise.  Some people are heavy because of medical problems and medications.  Some people are heavy because of overeating and a lack of exercize.  Do we really lose all our good qualities just because of a few extra pounds?.

If we believe “I will never be loved.”  We are telling ourselves a lie.  Maybe those whom were responsible to love an protect us have emotional damage themselves and they were not capable of love and approval.  We could not be more loveable if the person does not know how to love.  I felt unwanted and not loved as a child.  It does not mean I was not loved.  I have enjoyed loving and being loved.  Jehovah has taught me how.

“I am unorganized” is another belief.  Maybe you are unorganized!  I am also unorganized.  Good News!  We can be more organized by practicing principles of time management and of personal habits.  I am working this month to have an industrious morning routine.  The fact is, I am cluttered, unorganized, and still completely optimistic of all I ever intend to do.

We watched the movie “Pollyanna”, Haley Mills, what a love, you feel she must be a fun lovable person in real life.  I liked when she an orphan of a minister, was talking to the preacher, played by Karl Mauldin. She quoted from Abraham Lincoln, “if you always look for the bad in others, you will find it!”

I thought about this bad habit, if our habit is to look at ourself or a family member always seeing the bad, we will never see the good.

People are so bias, people like whom they like and will always recognize the good in them.  And when a person does not like you, they will always see everything you say and do in a negative light.  People are blind.

According to Jehovah all of us rank the same,  we are all equally flawed with sin.  If we want Jehovah to see the good in us, we need to see it in others.  If our dislike for another blinds us, we need to ask Jehovah to open our eyes and help us to recognize what he sees in them, so we can be free to love them too.  This includes, seeing ourselves more clearly.  If we view only the good we are blind, if we view only the bad we are blind and crippled.

It is frustrating, sometimes, we want to change all at once, it is quite a hopeless helpless state.  I have to beg Jehovah to help me see more accurately at times.

The end of this article is here, in conclusion, each day we are privileged to live, realistic expectations of ourselves and others makes for a joyful existence.  It is time to plant the seeds entrusted to us as we hope for a most beautiful bounty.

This article is Dedicated to all my Dear friends whom continue to encourage me.  And all whom read the articles, may your life be blessed with Joy and Optimism.

ENDORPHIN THERAPY 101.

20170309_165716

Runners and walkers alike enjoy great weather and the endorphine benefits of exercize. Gina the  Author when I was young.

As I practice endorphin therapy for natural anti depression and reasonable relief of pain I am learning the difference between healthful endorphin releases and nonhealthful endorphin release.

There is no pain erradication therapy for me through this therapy or medications.  At this point, I do not know a moment without physical an sometimes emotional pain.  Please note that I am not talking about mental illness, clinical depressions, or emotional imbalances.  I do feel empathy for those whom suffer such.  It is my belief that endorphin therapy practiced with purposeful healthful control can be beneficial for all.

When addictions are considered, the effects of endorphins make change so difficult.  I have no specific knowledge or experience as I am not a physician or psychiatrist.  The experience I personally refer to is that “FEEL GOOD” part of the brain.  Growing up my mother made the best chocolate chip cookies and they were a real happy treat.  When we would take a long walk to the icecream bar in the grocery store we were estatic.  She knew how to get us to look forward to things and the realization of it was deeply felt.  We encountered alot of loss, devastation, and physical pain.  The good things were very good, exceedingly good thus setting me up with my own unhealthful forms of endorphin release learned at a very young age.

As I have been practicing this Endorphin Therapy, I am prayerfully considering all things big and small in my life.

Decades ago people were sent to sanitariums and the routine with patient activities provoked healthy endorphin release.

One important aspect to my investigation as to endorphins is to determine healthy and unhealthy.  Not all endorphin activities are healthful.

Healthy activites lead to longterm good feelings, and are beneficial to longterm emotional and mental health.

Unhealthy activities are short term with glee that later brings feelings of guilt, depression or sadness.  One example, a close relative of mine went out with men and had relations with any and all that seemed interested in her.  Yet, she had to visit a psychiatrist regularily to cope with depression over her conscious accusing her because she considered herself a christian and knew God did not like her activities.  She was addicted to her search for love in this wrong way.  She smoked in order to calm her nerves.  She felt empty and she drank heavily to deal with her emotions.  Her drinking and feelings created rage which caused her to be very violent.  The cycle for good feelings resulted in great sadness and emotional pain for her and all of us.  She died lonely at 61 from a heart attack.

Other negative short termed emotional highs are spending money excessively. People do this alot during the holidays and then panic sets in six weeks later when there is no money for the power bill or rent.  The food banks are busy then.  Post Holiday Blues, what should have been good turns out desperately sad.

Drug, alcohol, or any substance abuse are known to peak endorphines, yet, you lose your moral integrity and esteem.

Malfunctioning and mispurposeful use of the power of free will, can pervert the function and purpose of endorphins.

Responsible use of our power for use of Free Will can bring longlasting joy as endorphin releasing activities are being utilized as intended by our Grand Creator.

25 healthy activities TO ENJOY THE BENEFITS OF ENDORphin release:

  1.  Pray each morning for guidance, and Thank our Creator Jehovah for his son and the good in our life.
  2. Eat a healthy meal to start day.
  3. Hug a family member, hold the embrace, express words of endearment and appreciation.
  4. A massage, give one or get one.
  5. Help someone clean their home or yard.  Helping feels good.
  6. Eat an apple or some nuts
  7. Change the decor of one room.
  8. Plan a detailed meal, set the table nice.  Enjoy preparing with good music playing.  Do this even if just for yourself.
  9. Take a walk alone or with a friend, or take a zumba class, or do aerobics.  Dance, Dance.
  10. Listen to opera music or rock.
  11. Plant a garden or have houseplants to care for.
  12. A pet or a farm either one helps us to care for something besides ourself.
  13. A day trip each month to a museum, zoo, or festival.
  14. Go horseback riding or plan a vacation to a dude ranch.
  15. Go to bed early, do a little reading.
  16. Enjoy a nature walk.
  17. Send cards once a week, make a list each week of upcoming anniversaries, a graduation, or thinking of you cards.  Send cards if you hear of anyone in your area that has suffered a loss. Compassion and personal interest in others without expectation of returned kindness is restorative.
  18. Spending time with family and friends can bring about good feelings.  Plan a picnic.
  19. Coffee, or a couple pieces of dark chocolate or a glass of wine.
  20. Sitting in the sun and enjoying nature.  Watching birds and butterflies.  Or a body of water, waves, boats, or kayaking.
  21. Swimming, bowling, playing pool, a trip to library, basket ball games, playing an instrument or golfing each week so as to have this to look forward to.
  22. Read the Books of Psalm and Proverbs
  23. Buy yourself or someone else flowers.
  24. Cleaning the house or yard and enjoying the experience, feeling pleased with the efforts.
  25. Do the craft or hobbie you always wanted to do.  Make time an space for it.  Feel good when each step is accomplished.

Feel exceedingly good about the small simple delights in life.  Endorphins will no longer be shy to come out.  They will make your day and life more Joyful.

 

Monday, Why I love Mondays.

20170312_215750

MONDAY, MY FAVORITE DAY!!!

Monday is a day many dread.  It seems to some all falls onto their head on a Monday.  Being overwhelmed, the day can be unproductive, stressful, depressing, and it does not have to be this way.

About ten years ago I met a refreshing person whose name is Annemarie.  A perky blond whom looked like Meg Ryan.  I invited her to do something with me for the upcoming Monday and she said no, any day but Monday.  I asked her why not Monday.  She told me that was her day for herself.  She used Monday to get rest, to clean, do the laundry, to do gardening and lay in the sun.  I was so impressed that I have reserved Monday ever since.

A DAY OFF: If you have a choice in the matter.  If you can afford to work four days instead of five, why not take Monday off from your employment.  Many take Friday off by choice viewing it as a vacation day.  Yet, Monday may be an even better day to take off instead of Friday because it may be more fulfilling.  Everyone else in household is back to work and school.  Do not view your day as a day to Care Less or be carefree.  By carefully considering how you will spend your time on this special day, your life can take a change for the better.

Monday at home could mean an extra hour of needed sleep, getting in a relaxing walk, a trip to the library or museum by yourself, meeting a friend for lunch, doing your bills, or yard work.  For balance in my life, getting chores done in the form of a quick clean makes a difference for the whole week.  I do not mean a slave day, more like a day of time blocks adhered to.  Having attention deficit, time blocks help me to focus without the temptation to multitask.  If I multitask then my mind is unaccountable and takes flight.  The day is gone.  This can still happen to me when I feel weak due to health problems. Yet, I strive to do as much as I can on Monday because for me it is a sanity keeper.

A time block for extra rest like sleeping in an extra hour, and an hour break in the middle of the day.  A block for phone calls, A block for laundry which during that time while washing and drying are going on I can clean the bathrooms and or phone calls.  A Block for quick clean which is 12 minutes per room.  (my quick clean is ten minutes to do a quick pick up, gather what does not belong in the room including trash and set at doorway, wipe surfaces quickly, then timer goes off and I quickly sweep or vacuum. Then on to next room and set timer for ten minutes).  (The Slob Sisters have a great book about this and The Fly Lady, for years I read and reread. They helped me so much.  It seems so hard for me to read anymore books yet I will never forget that their programs are fantastic).  Then I run and put doorway items away as fast as possible.  Time for a break when all done.  A block for yard work or errands.  The blocks can be minutes long or a couple of hours long.  Use the timer.  If the timer goes off before your done then one must determine if another day of a few minutes will make a difference or if a few minutes now will make a big difference.  This is not the day to get caught up in trying to get each room done as a perfectionist would.  Each week of this activity will make a few weeks worth of efforts a visible accomplishment.

I like Monday because if I get my Monday work done, the whole week is much smoother.

What I like to do on Mondays.  First, I sleep in as long as I need to, with chronic health problems a lack of sleep contributes to my flare-ups.  Secondly, I start the laundry  and make my phone calls.  I do a deeper clean up in the kitchen.  Monday happens to be my deeper clean kitchen day.  While wash is going I clean my bathrooms.   A quick pick-up and sweep-up through the house remedies the mess the weekends create. I wash towels every Monday, and if possible I may get a jump ahead by doing them on Sunday night.

Setting up my schedule for the week on Sunday night helps me to know what phone calls are vital for me to make.  Doing my phone calls by 11:00a.m. really takes the pressure off the rest of the day.  Over the week, I pay attention to whose anniversary, graduation, or achievement has come about that I can on Sunday nights or Monday write out these cards and send them.  My husband seems to enjoy running errands, and I like being home on Monday.  Emotionally, I really like being home on Monday because life seems so busy on the weekends, the downtime to get things done is precious.  I rarely accept an invitation to leave my house on a Monday.  Hanging my clothes out to dry is another thing I have done for decades and I like to do if the weather permits.  Cooking a good meal and doing a little meal prep to make the next couple dinners for the week easier is important.  Eating a little lighter during the day helps me to maintain my focus and lessen the burden on my internals.  A walk or isometric exercises refreshes me.

At 1:30 pm. on Monday is a PBS station sewing show called Sew it All.   I like to stop and enjoy this show and put my legs up.  It is only a half hour and because I enjoy sewing it is a treat to watch.  On Wednesday, Sew Easy comes on, I will tape it to watch later.  If sewing or painting or something else is your interest, give yourself  a 90 minutes time block to work on a project, and then that evening your free to get back to it if you can.

Filling my Monday with practical efficient activities sets up my week  for greater productivity and less stress.  Whether it is every Monday or only a once a month Monday, having this day to catch up on domestics, relaxing activities, yard work, gardening, and phone calls makes for a better start to the week.  It also is important to avoid time wasters on this day.  Unless the errands are vital for the week to go smooth try to keep most of the day to yourself at home.  Beware of Time Wasters such as gabbing on the phone, texting, internet cruising, or television watching.  This day is a day for yourself to reset and restore.  With an extra hour of rest, getting a home in order, car cleaned, laundry done, gardening, essential phone calls and bill paying your investing in a more peaceful life.  The week and month will go smoother.  The evening of Monday is a good time to be refreshed by going to bed early for an extra hour of rest before resuming regular activities on Tuesday.  Monday’s never get me … .

 

 

 

When a size Large is too small…

Five Things I can Do to reach my weight loss goal.

Doesn’t life seem that way sometimes?.. Everything is off, nothing seems to work right, and nothing fits.  Efforts seem futile, like today I was putting the onions in the ground to grown when I was done, I looked at my nice small shallow rows with the onions planted, when suddenly J.J. my Sylvester cat decides to jump in, lay there, pull and chew on them.  I urged him to leave the patch and he dug a hole as if that would be the perfect spot to do his evacuation.  I turned the hose on sprinkle mode and he left out of the area quite quickly.

I love the clothes in the Robert Redford line of Sundance.  His catalog features such beautiful clothes and goods, superior quality, and the price to match.  Sadly, I just cannot afford these wonderful items.  I came across one linen blouse, just gorgeous, and a size large.  Last year I wore a medium.  For less than $20.00, I received this lovely blouse.  You can imagine my feeling’s when I discovered it is just a tight fit, is it the companies fault?

Last week, I was attempting to try on a dress when my husband was standing there looking at me.  I said to him, “I am going to try this on…” trying to give him a hint it is a good time for him to move on to other rooms and activities.  He stood there, still, and then he said, “From the looks of it, it might be a tight fit!”.  I told him to just get on the move.  I put the dress on, and I could not button it.  Sadly, the stinker was right.

It is no fault of any clothing company, it is, just what it is, OBESITY.  How did I get here, and why.  When I was young, I was too skinny and I could not gain a pound.  Now, I patrol all I put in my mouth and it is an accruing situation.

At 215 pounds, it seems to be a losing battle, as I steadily gain.  Now, off the antibiotics, I feel I can lose some.  A friend said, “How do you go about losing 90 LBS?”.  My response, “How else, a pound at a time”.  She is sweet and very encouraging about anything I want to do.  She respects my needs for projects and is always interested.  So, losing this 90 lbs is my newest project.

20170225_195027

Filet, Sweet Potatoes, an Asperagus

What is a project without a plan?….How soon can I realistically achieve my goal?  What can I do today that is simple or small that will help me be equipped to reach the goal?

  1. Faith:  Have Faith and conviction that the idea, goal or project is worthy to accomplish. 
  2. Acknowledge:  Acknowledge the Healthy habits and routines that are already practiced as beneficial.  Feel Good about what we already have right!
  3. Implement:  When the most beneficial plan of action is decided upon, get to it.
  4. Tenaciousness:  A friend of mine whom is slender is very tenacious about her diet.  She is sensitive as to how different foods affect her.  She does not let social gatherings affect her feelings about the importance of sticking with her eating plan.  I am a person swayed too easily by my emotions.  I forget my diet if a lovely dessert appears in my mind.  It is time to pull out my “Instead Of:” list. (I previously wrote about the power of Instead Of)  Instead of the banana split, I will work on a painting.  Or take a walk .  Being Tenacious with our goal is protecting our investment of heart, effort, etc.  Aggressively seeing it thru to the finish is what is required to have a successful outcome in the shortest time possible.
  5. Hum:  People whom hum often times do so because of a happy tune or a happy heart.  Feel good about all the baby steps we stick to.  If, we think about how far we have to go, we may give up.  If we feel good about following our small achievements.  We will be successful in achieving our goals.

What goal do you want to achieve?

  1.  We need to write the goal at the top of a nice piece of cardstock.
  2. Break down three categories titled of types of actions needed to accomplish goal.  For example:  Weight loss of 90 lbs.  The four categories for this are 1: Diet, 2: Exercise, 3:  Weekly Positive affirmations,  4:  Attitude check and Progress.
  3. As I look at the first category, I will write down just three things I want to do for my diet, whether it is Lower my carbs to 25 per meal, or have two cups of vegetables each day, or have 350 calories for breakfast as well as lunch, then 450 calories for dinner with just 100 calories for a snack.  Be specific.  Whereas, the Exercise category may be cardio for 35 minutes every other day, with biometrics on the other days.  The Category of  Weekly Positive Affirmations are statements that give a person courage, truthful statements that are considered several times a day, whether a reminder put on cell phone or written on a paper or something included in prayer.  A positive weight loss affirmation for me is:  I do not need to be heavy to be strong, I do not need this fat as a protection.  I am strong and safe anytime.  (with Jehovah’s help).  or another is:  I like caring for myself with the best food possible. Each person knows their own insecurities.  One of mine was, If I was heavy, I would not have to deal with unwanted attention.  Turned out, even while heavy, I still get bothered.  A lot of people have this problem, either they bother others or they are getting bothered.  I am learning to put my hand up in a strong manner when I do not like what is coming my way.  This is difficult for me, but it is becoming my manner.  And the last category is Attitude Check and Progress.  Write down the weight each week, what is my attitude that week gone by, and what good thing I can say to myself to keep motivated.  If I gained three pounds, checking my attitude like:  I have been in the dumps so I ate cookies and skipped my workout all week. Then my new Affirmations will be born out of that.  Example:  After a healthy early dinner and walk, I am going to the bookstore and checking in the bargain section for a craft book.  Or, I am going to arrange to meet a couple of friends to go on a walk with me on some local trails.  Affirmation: I am not waiting for good to happen in my life, I am inviting happy activities into my life each day.

It is time to practice FAITH in our daily life.  We must keep having Faith and Conviction in the beneficial outcome of our project.  We have to Acknowledge the good things we already do right,

in order to have a healthy mind frame.  Implementing our plan of action gives us the power and action through habits and routines. After we come up with our plan of action we must keep it visible in order to implement our new plan.   The Tenacity we exercise because we see how worthy our goal is, we must be Tenacious in sticking to our plan of action.  We can Hum because we know we are right now fulfilling our goal.

 

 

The Harvest in our Life.

20151113_164955

Alabama Cotton Harvest  photographer, Gina Rydin

The Harvest in our Life.  A farmer knows when to plant his fields.  His routine and schedule must be diligently adhered to if he is to recieve the bounty that is anticipated.  A farmer cannot be happenstance regarding his goal.  The planning, is exacting.  A farmer whom procastinates is a poor destitute farmer.  A farmer whom waits for the perfect day, or perfect conditions is a farmer whom will not reap as others in his community.

How is the Harvest in our life?  Can we reflect a farmer’s attitude with our habits, routines, short and long term goals?

 

The Last Quarter. We can make meaningful changes in our life.

20161004_182859

Chili with Cheddar Chive Scones          by Gina at fatfitanfab.com

October, is the start of our last quarter as we are near the end of another year. Sometimes we can feel time is running out, what can we do with the time left?

People can get so wrapped up in exterior activities whether extracurricular activities for their kids, holidays, politics, that just living life has lost it’s meaning.  Being overly committed and obligated can cause us to be well-spent emotionally, financially, and with our time.

Routines are a practice that may not always be honestly rewarding.  If it is our practice to watch television for three or four hours before bed so as to relax it is a choice.  Is there a more rewarding choice?  My husband bought a lathe for woodworking at a yard sale.  Brock, 23, after work has been coming home from work making beautiful cups and bowls.  He is enjoying it and it is rewarding.  Is there an activity whether creative or purposeful that would be beneficial to do a night or two each week?

I am naturally a clutter bug, yet, my floors are clean.  Piles, piles still occupy the perimeter of many spaces in our home.  How they get there, where they come from, I can never see it happening, yet, I am the culprit.  As I am practicing better habits, not adding to the problem, it still happens.  I have been working on an area outside my painting area or artist corner.  It seems my creative forces has emerged from the room and congested beyond the room.  Is there an excuse?  I have an empty cabinet in there, and drawers half full, and the books put up on top of the cabinet.  These are all holdups and blocks to my creativity.

In the evening I have been putting on good music and working in there a few minutes, turning it into a real artists retreat.  Privately, I am a bit turned off by the junky furniture.  It is all like new, it is just pressed board stuff you could get cheap.  I love good wood.  If it was made the same of walnut, or cherry, as you can see, I am a brat.

I feel so much appreciation for this area I have, when there have been times in my life where I did not have an artists den.  So, I want to occupy the space since my secret is out about the furniture which looks new.  I am ashamed of myself for such notions.  That represents life too, maybe we have notions that hold us up.

“If only I were thin I would” do this or wear that;  If only I had an exercize machine or a membership;  if only someone loved me I would do this; if only my home was like this I would invite people over; if only my mate would  buy me flowers or be more romantic.  “If Only”!!!.  We can be set back with thinking like this.

An exaggerated answer to the “If Onlies.”  My son says this is an oxymoron.  There is no plural to the concept of only.  He could be correct, but for purposes he may be slow to understand, he still says we have a ton of “if only” in our life.  It is plural no matter how you put it.  John says, “If only the dog didn’t stop to crap in the road I would not be late to work.”  As we debate on proper or improper use.  I would still like to make a long awaited for point.

If only I were thin I would wear more chic outfits.  When I was in my low 130’s I fretted because I was not in my low 120’s,  then prednisone gave me an extra 45lbs that compounded the problem, ashamed I wore thrift store duds.  I wouldn’t buy the close I really liked because I did not deserve it til I lost some weight.  Now, at 205 lbs and on antiobotics and other meds my weight is still going up despite my efforts.  I am buying and have been buying new garments that are tasteful and comfortable.  I feel better no longer stressing over this “If Only” business causes years to go by wasted.

If only, is a matter of procrastination.  It makes our excuse sound valid.  Invite friends to your home even though it is not perfect.  It they are your friend they will pitch in an help with no judgement or just have a good time.

Do not wait for a bouquet of flowers and romance.  Buy the flowers yourself, and buy a new tie or dress socks for your man, and give a card expressing appreciation for all his hardwork and love.  Gifts are gifts, not a matter of exchange.  Do not wait for romance, create it.  If they miss the point of our ovature at least they know we love them.  They likely need us to romance them more than we need them to.  Just remember, when our mate works long days, their minds may not be thinking about romance, their romance is their sacrifice going out working to put the roof over our head and food on the table.  It is a valid gift that is not appreciated often enough. It can be more stressful or even degrading then we realize for them at work.  Let them come home to a big smile, a warm hug, with respect and appreciation.  We may be the only thing that puts joy an motivation in our mates life.  Women whom work like this benefit the same as men do by the unexpected gifts, or words of appreciation.

So, instead of over extending ourselves needlessly, let us look at our life.. can we see what routines or habits can be modified so as to bring greater joy and accomplishment in our life.  By switching things up a couple nights a week.  Whether by inviting others over, doing extra cleaning, getting ahead on our taxes, going for early evening walk, doing a craft or hobby we enjoy.  We can examine our life by finding ways to destress, and declutter.

We have someone come in an clean once a week doing things that are hard for me.  It is a necessity. And it helps me to get more done.

How about a trip to the zoo before it gets too cold, or the museums, or the library.  Let us make use of this month to get a few things back on track.  We will have pride an joy instead of depression.

This is a very stressful quarter for many. Slow down, save your money, enjoy the great outdoors. End the year doing the things you promised yourself you would be doing when the year started.