Loser! Or Winner? How are you labeled, do you label yourself?

How do you label yourself?  How do others label you?  Should we label ourselves or others with such expectations?  Either we expect too much or we expect the worst.

Growing up, it seems we are labeled at birth to be or not to be.  My natural mother attempted to abort me twice via home methods, and obviously was a failure.  As the welfare department knew before my birth they would have me, there were the worst of expectations.  I was instantly labeled unadoptable.  In my records it states I would have many defects and would always be an expense for the department.

Growing up, there were many surprises, that I was good at structural things, creative things, math, etc.  While I was continually reminded that I was not like others, and I was not capable.   To have goals or plans for the future I was setting myself up for disappointment.

There were health problems, yet, I was a lovely little child wanting love, affection, security and praise.  The foster family whom had me since three weeks of age finally got approval to adopt me.  It was really dad whom wanted me.  I was three an a half when Dad left an moved many states away.  At three an a half, I was very saddened when he just disappeared.  Only finding out this year that he left because she was so violent to the children, including me.  Therefore, I did not feel loved, wanted, secure, or praised.

This is not such a sad tale as it appears.  My teachers really made a difference.  Mother would tell them bla, bla, bla, and I was not capable.  Then the teachers would tell her good about me, and she could not deal with it.  When I was delighten from the rewards of achievements, and the praise of teachers, she happily knocked it out of me later.  But can you really knock it out of a person?

Unsavory people in our lives may not be comfortable with our small or large successes.  What is really wrong with them?  Do we have to be underahievers or flawed for others to feel right or superior?   Some are controlling beasts that have those expectations.

Whether it is the family dynamics that keep us in our place, a mate, or friendship.  Example:   “She is the lovely one an I am the fat one”. ” She is organized an I am the messup”.  Does the apparrent winner need a few losers in their life so they can bask in the position they have placed themselves in.  An aquaintance came over an spent a couple hours talking continously about all her achievements.  I praised her as I was very impressed with her hunting, fishing, an outdoor activities.  Finally later I mentioned that I sew some, an I showed her my most unorganized yet interesting workroom  with projects on maniquins an forms.  She was looking, seemingly impressed, then she suddenly said self assaulting words an phrases such as, “I am so dumb, I do not  know how to do that. I am so stupid an useless, …” About herself.  The discomfort caused me to feel regret showing her.  It appeared to me that if she was the only capable one at anything she was happy in this belief, but she couldn’t stand us both being capable.  This would be an unhealthy relationship if I let it develop.

Friends an loved ones support each other as we make decisions that better our lives or persons.  If you start getting daily exercize an get in better shape an become healthier, family members an friends are happy for you.  Or you start keeping your car really clean an clean up your home, these are positive changes you an those whom love you can appreciate.  You do not have to be the “fat one”, “lazy one”, “messy one”, “shy one”, we can make the adjustments to be whatever we want to be.

There are people in our lives that are superior at many things, we can almost feel inferior if we are not careful.  It is a bad habit to look at others an try to determine whom is a loser an whom is a winner.  We might even do it to our own children an label them.  We inhibit others when we put expectations on them.  Some have others expecting too much an then they get involved with all sorts of downfalls because they could not take the pressure of perfectionism and too high expectations.

Some do not expect enough of themselves an their life performance in such important areas as relationships, work, health an fitness, personal organization an habits, an money, they do fail.  This can be because of a lack of parental training, low esteem, or healthy habits.

The point of this article is that no one knows you like our Great Creator Jehovah and his son.  We can make adjustments in our life, habits, thoughts and attitudes.  It takes so long to truly know another, and never completely so.  We are a mystery to ourselves.  Imagine your better self, and then determine what is the next action to take to meet that change.  Finishing what I start fearlessly is what I am working on.  I am enjoying the rewards of that.

 

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Haunted by memories of my thinner self.

Until my young thirties, I was painfully thin and could not gain a pound.  When I was presented with a video of my wedding shower, I was so ashamed of my overly thin arms, that I threw the video away.  Now, as I approach fifty I deeply regret that action of throwing the video away and the feelings that fueled it.  My arms have been shamefully fat for a couple decades.  I would love to look at the video and say, “see, I really was thin…” because I have been ashamed of my fat arms.  Never approving of self, fat or thin, is a common thing with women.

Last month I was in the ministry with my friend a young mother and her baby.  I was wearing a sleeveless top and sitting next to her son a three year old.  He put his hand on my arm and said “Cold”.  Suddenly, he became a koala bear and totally wrapped around my arm.  It was a very delightful and amusing experience.  My friend said, “He loves touching woman’s arms”.  This is the first time I felt good about my good fat arms.

Back to the video, and haunting memories of better days gone by.  It is so easy to feel that those days were better.  Yet, when we consider the whole picture, we might discover we did not truly feel better about ourselves then.  If we are haunting ourselves, tormenting ourselves with the better selves gone by.  It is time to renegotiate our view, for example:  I look forward to being thin again, but I do not want to be as thin as I was in my teens.  These arms have performed many tasks over the years as I worked, and raised three sons.  It is great that my arms will reflect strength and suppleness which reflects my character.  Life’s challenges causes us to earn such as we strive to be responsible with all our obligations.

Do not throw the video away, or reject the memories.  Yet, we never want to unrealistically worship what can never healthfully be attained.  It can be defeating.  Keep it inspiring.  I believe I am going to do a few 2 lb bicep curls.