Marcia K. Rydin

A Successful Woman

Marcia K. Rydin was an accomplished woman.  A Very independent woman whom achieved wherever she wanted to achieve.

First, let me inform the reader, I am not an authority on Marcia K. Rydin.  Only knowing Marcia about 16 years, knowing someone when they are 85 and older is not knowing them in their prime.  I can only relay a few things and only want to talk about what I know.  Please forgive me if anything is inaccurate.

Marcia was born in July of 1917.  And had she lived a few more months would have been 102 years old.  I miss Marcia and think about her so much.  I want to write about her yet, not any form of biography etc.  just a note about what she mentioned to me.

Her parents immigrated here from Europe.  Marcia’s father was good at a variety of things.  Marcia’s mother was very artistic. She was a hat Milner and a seamstress, she could do anything.  Franciska raised her two daughters to do anything that came to their mind.

They resided in Chicago, imagine the depression, food rationing, the prohibition, and the wars.  Hard times they knew well and took in stride like everyone else had to do at the time.  They were innovative in the variety of things they would and could do just to care for their family responsibilities.  Franciska even had borders, rooms she rented out.  Marcia said one of the borders behaved indecently towards her and her mother immediately kicked him out.  Good mother!

Everyone dressed with esteem and always seemed to wear a hat.  Habits domestically and  thriftyness seemed second nature

Marcia grew up in a time where manners were still a part of you.  A strict disapline, how you stood, sat, walked, talked, dressed, table manners, and learning an art( singing, dancing, riding, sewing, needlework, playing the piano etc.).  I believe such disciplines were a gift of esteem.  What is wrong with the world we live in?  Would we all get kicked out of the dining room for not minding our manners?!  What dining room! What manners!  It is nice, many try to inculcate these into their children, yet, most do not which makes it hard for those that do.  Yet, it is an investment in our children to have an exercise in those disciplines so they can become healthy responsible adults.  A rare breed indeed!  As Marcia was a real go getter she created a host of memories and accomplishments to consider when she felt the effects of age set in.

When Marcia was a little child pitching a fit her mother said, “there goes Marcia”!, and there she went the rest of her life.

It still is not easy to write this and there is a certain stress I feel regarding accuracy.  So, I cannot write about her life.  She talked with me about these things and they were quite enjoyable to learn about.  This article is not a family history etc.  This is just a small tribute regarding Marcia and the life she lived.  This is not an biography of any sort.

Marcia loved to shop the fine department stores in Chicago.  She loved to dress nice and she even sewed herself many things over the years.  Somehow she would get tags from some of these department stores and she would sew up things an attach these tags.  I was really amazed by this.  One of these department stores had a floor they sold fabric and tags as well.  Her sewing was perfectly executed.

The theatre, museums, and music Marcia really enjoyed.  A walk down lakeshore drive was an experience she treasured.

Marcia was married to Carl Rydin and they had three sons together.  Marcia’s mother Franciska lived with them and helped raise the boys.  When Marcia had her first son John, she would take him in his buggy an walk down Lakeshore drive daily.  Another thing she mentioned was that she gave John head to toe massages everyday.  Marcia’s attitude was when he cried, let him cry it out.  The neighbors would complain so much because John could holler and it was a war of wills.  She loved her three sons, John, Jimmie, and Richard.  She generously tried to equip them to be self reliant.

When the boys were grown, Marcia decided to relocate to Alabama to be near her sister. In time Marcia bought a little house on some acreage and fixed it up.  She had a horse and rode her horse everyday before work.  She did additions to her home and loved to plant a variety of plants, shrubs and trees.  We loved to go to plant shows together.

Marcia enjoyed her work in the secretarial field. She had an air of authority.  Even at the end of her life she wanted things written, she wanted things done, she loved trying to get things going with the lawyers, can’t we go here, can’t we do this and she felt we could just do these things ourself.

When she lived in Illinois, as a young woman looking for work in the war years it was difficult.  There was a long line you stood in and everyday you went back an stood in the line hoping to be picked.  When she was picked she would say she could do this or that, even if she couldn’t.  Once she was found out, she said that she would be threatened with dismissal.  She was a fast learner and aggressively pursued through education and opportunity whatever she needed to know to get ahead and stand on her own.

Throughout her life, this strength was one of her greatest and worst qualities.  I believe she lived as long as she did due to this inner strength and determination.  Marcia was disciplined with her routines and was a real timekeeper.  She checked her watch all her life.  Always knowing where she should be an what she should be doing.  Being oblivious to time, I was a real study for her.  I learned a lot from her.  There are many things I miss about her.   It was not a perfect situation nor do I want to present it that way.  Yet, we had so many good times together that I value.

Marcia loved my cooking, when here for visits she would say, “where are my scones?!”  Off to the kitchen we would go so I could make a batch of scones.

She loved cooking with me. We had such fun in the kitchen.

Marcia knit this in the 1970’s An it was a mohair blanket kit. I attached a soft piece of fleece to the back for this to be a lap throw for her. She loved seeing her work turned into something useful.

I miss our cooking together.

She lived with John an I approximately the last seven months of her life.  We put her in the middle of the house.  She was near our room so we could hear her at night and we wanted her to be near the bathroom.  We also did not want her stuffed in a room isolated and lonely.  She had confided that she suffered loneliness most her life.  And the last decade was the most painful for her.  This saddened us because we felt prohibited from visiting her as much as we would have liked when she lived in her home.  Other parties did not make visiting comfortable.  Therefore, we just did not want her to feel alone at any point.  We never left her alone.  Either we took her everywhere, or one of us stayed here with her or we would get someone she and we knew to come visit with her so we could go.  We have company often and she really enjoyed the interaction.  While she was here our friend from China came for two weeks.  Then our friends from Maine came for a visit.  Then our friends from Florida came An we had a big cookout.  She just loved all the interaction.    She had friends whom she knew a long time that stopped in an visited.  Her priest came by and he was kind and considerate.  The hospice staff helped me keep it together as I was not experienced and lacked confidence.  Her son Richard came by and spent time with her.

It was not a perfect situation because being dependent was not anything she cared for.  We have not been caregivers before so we all had to learn together.  My husband had already been ill before she died and he continued having strokes so he was in a hospital rehab facility the last couple weeks before she died.  Being here and being there for my husband was a real stretch as I did not feel well.  Our friends were here everyday for us.  And our sons helped out any way they could.  The youngest, Brent with his wife Brittteny came to stay a few weeks to help as well.  What a comfort and support that was!  At some point I felt I lost my marbles and cried inappropriately and laughed inappropriately.  During her short stay with us, always eventful.  I fall often due to low blood pressure.  Surgery to repair tendon and screw my big toe back together was painful and hard to go thru.  One of the times I stubbed my toe an fell I cried like a baby even hyperventilating.  She petted my hair and comforted me w a tenderness I had not seen in her before.  One time I was overwhelmed and distressed she chastised me “talk to Jehovah and place your faith in him”.  She cheered me up.  My God Jehovah helped me persevere and provided our friends day an night to get thru these times.  John did come home a couple weeks later after she went to sleep in death.  As his needs have changed we are changing too.  Our life is busy and complicated, yet we have many blessings.

We loved to do projects together over the years.  Marcia loved the sewing projects.  We would get a t shirt and use it against a piece of knit fabric and make a pattern the way we liked.  I would cut an sew as we would sit in my messy sewing room.  Marcia wore the garments with pride because we made them together.  She loved to give direction, and I although an experienced sewer too, loved the opportunity to consider something new.  We learned from each other.

Marcia had grandchildren she enjoyed when they were young.  It grieved her none were around in The last few decades of her life.  She felt forgotten and the emotional pain of being alone really got to her at times.

Marcia was a woman of faith.  She loved the creator Jehovah and his son Jesus.  About two weeks before she died she started crying, something rare for her.  She said “Jehovah proved the priests wrong.”   I was amazed.  She loved those she interacted with but her faith had changed.  She said if she was young again her choices would be different.  I thought that was humble and sweet of her.

Ahead of her times, fiercely independent, Marcia was a real survivor.  Marcia whom is sleeping now in God’s memory, she will be awakened from death and enjoy perfect health an youthfulness as she is reunited with all those she knew and loved.  Mathew 6:10, Revelation 21:4,5.  Psalm 37:9-11,29.  At the end she was happy to know this hope an understand it.  It gave her comfort in her last months.  I believed that was really why she came to us.  She died this year, 2019.  And I felt she was content and ready.  I wish I had known her decades ago when I needed a worthy woman to look up to an learn from.

Mother in Law, isn’t always the way you would think.

There seems to be a negative connotation related to The mother-in-law.  Considered overbearing, interfering, and controlling are some popular descripts of mother in-laws.  Yet, what must be considered is that the mother in law, was also a daughter in law.  Should there really be such a domineering division when we both love the same man?

Marcia, my mother in law is the most interesting woman.  She is about to be 99 years old.  Her mind is sharp and she still does her own laundry, checkbook and taking her dog on walks daily.  We are impressed.  Really, she is a very generous and caring person.  I have learned so much from her.

Being born near the end of WWI and being raised by immigrants, her family new to the United States.  Marcia’s father being killed in an accident when she was a teenager around the time of the great depression, she learned to live by her wits.  She married during WWII and her husband right away went off to fight in WW11 and she found she was pregnant and she had the first of three sons.  The industrial revolution started, and her mother lived with her, so she went to work as her mother cared for the young boys.  You had to get into a long line and hope to be picked for the job.  There were some very beautiful women in line, and Marcia was clever but not endowed with the beauty, yet, she had a very nice figure and she dressed professionally, with a sparkle in her dark eyes and a bit of moxie she has led a very exciting life.  Taking trips and traveling to other countries she has treasured up many great memories.    She knit, and she sewed and she made all she desired.  Marcia learned knitting and sewing from her mother whom was from France and was a professional milliner.    She bought a large property with a dilapidated house, and she turned it into a very nice home.  She bought a horse and rode it before work each day.  She worked as a secretary in the Judicial Department.  Marcia has always had dogs, Marcia gave to charities, and supported causes, and she strived to be a good neighbor.  Marcia kept busy going to different fairs and shows, she did not feel she had to go with anyone.  She did what she wanted and she has enjoyed her life.  We have a lot of good times together.  I love to go over my projects with her, I feel she is very keen on creativity and I love her input.  I wished I knew her decades ago, I needed her then as well.  I really have great respect for her.

The mother getting older losing the control and influence on the adult child she raised, and the new wife asserting her independence of a new family.  All are threatened by the potential abuse of familial affections.  The adult child is put in a precarious position between two whom both claim to love them, that are both competing for devotion.  One day when we were going head to head and my husband seemed stressed and caught in the middle I said “Aren’t you a blessed man to be in the company of your two favorite women?!”  It settled all our dissention with a little humor and he expressed if we did not figure out how to get along he would have to leave the two of us at the table.  I have enjoyed more time with her in a great variety of activities, more than the mother whom raised me.  A mother-in-law is a woman, a person, not just as you see her now.  She is a woman with experience, history, accomplishments and sorrows.  She is the person whom raised the man we love.

If you care to, make your mother in-law your friend.  It is a relationship worth tending.  I have learned so much from her.  All a mother wants is to be loved, valued, while spending time with her.  We need to make time for them because it is a sad reality we may not always have them available to us as the years go by.  Call your mum and express some love and appreciation.  I am a mother in-law now, and it can be just as scary to us learning how to interact with the new daughter in-law.  I started out giving too much advice imagining it was valuable, forgetting all the mistakes I made, I created a level of discomfort.  Is she walking on glass too?  Respectfully loving relationships are worth the endeavor.  We all have to try.   You do not quit gardening just because there are weeds to tend.  Time is the intimidating factor, because we  imagine that someone will always be there, and things will be the same.  Things do not stay the same, spend time with your mothers.

Red Flags Going up and Your Defenses are …

All at once you are in the midst of someone whom stresses you out, and they continue on.  What they say and do is overwhelming, how can you regain control?  When your in situations that you feel propel you along and it seems your mind cannot think of a way to change where you think it may be headed, what can you do?

When did the red flags start popping up?  How many excuses did you make that allowed the situation to continue on?  There are times we become victims.  There are times we do not have to become victims.  What can we do when we feel uncomfortable?

Change a situation sooner, excuse yourself.  Do not be in the habit of making excuses for someone that is in the habit of disrespectful behavior.  Mention to them at another time how you felt about the situation and what made you uncomfortable.  Tell them kindly what you would like to see different.

Watching the show Judge Judy you learn there are a lot of people out there surfing through relationships and opportunities where they make themselves at home while exploiting from you.  The victims are so eager for a relationship that when the charmer wants to start bumming the dollars, the money is then extorted.  When the well of affections runs dry, when the money numbers flags go up, then the extorter moves on.  The lonely one then takes them to Judge Judy because they are now on the list of those being made a victim.  Young teenagers should watch Judge Judy so they can see what mistakes to avoid in relationships.  There are men, and there are women that victimize.  Read my previous article:  Whose Movin’ in and Why? on fatfitanfab.com

A friend of mine was approached by someone about dating with the consideration of marriage as the end goal.  She actually did a credit check on him and a background check of sorts.  They have been happily married for years.  He loves to joke about it, but he is delighted he was up to par.

When in a high pressure situation, excuse yourself with the phrase, “I need to call my father, or mother.”  Then call them.  You can tell a person that you do not want to talk right now.  Make a date very soon to talk to them. Keep it safe.  Do not let yourself be bullied into something your not comfortable with.  Just say “NO!”.  Then take your leave.

“Lonely Bar Scene”, we were at a bar, a small group of us were there to listen to some blues with a live band playing.  It was so sad to see all the women coming in dressed so scantily.  They were dolled up and dressed disrespectfully.  If they are looking for love, they will only find a one night broken heart.  Dress the part, think about your attire.  If you want to be respected, dress with respect.  A person can be very attractive dressed decently.  Seeing these young women dancing with a beer bottle in their hand appeared like a disease in modern day society.  Just getting passed around.  I felt so sad for them.  How many of them have been in uncomfortable situations they could not control?  How many keep putting themselves in these situations?  Dressed like that in those situations, what do they expect of these men?  There were older men there, obese men, and plenty of women just like them there.  All looking at their phones, and the loneliness was obvious.  Vulnerabilities obvious, either to become a victim or create one.

Do not let your cell phone checking make you a potential victim.  People are no longer aware of their surroundings.  With checking of the phones, no one sees whose around or what is going on.  Crime is real, look around, be aware.

Do not just go in somewhere just because you are invited.  How long have you known someone?  Do not just invite someone in because you have met them once or twice.   Sometimes, we just have to end the call, try hanging up after saying GOOD BYE.  Being assertive is becoming a practiced skill.  Try it.

Take your time to decide a matter.  Get all the information you can.  Do not be so nice that you blindly enter into a matter.  Nice people are not always smart, but smart people can be nice.   Do not give the benefit of the doubt indiscriminately.  It takes a long time for me to know someone, and it takes a long time for someone to know me.  Take your time, do not be a desperado.

No need to be unduly suspicious, but we need to be cautious.  A scripture I love is ” be cautious as a serpent and as innocent as a dove”.   Do not be a victim, and do not victimize.

Timex, Elgin, Carriage, Hamilton, Movado, has run by …Where has the time gone?..It just goes by.

There was a Time when everyone wore a time piece or took pride in sporting a particular brand of watch on their wrist.  It was a habit of the time-wise to flick the wrist and check the time   How long ago was it that you would see a man pull the watch on the chain out of the pocket so he could address the time.

Chicago sung the famous song “Does anybody know what time it is?”  How lost a person can feel if they do not know what time it is.

The phrases:  Time has just gone by …, Does anybody know what time it is?… Time just marches on… Time just runs by…  A time capsule…Can you arrest time?  The years just flew by… and so on …tick, tick, seconds, minutes, hours, sunrise, sunset, days, weeks, months, seasons, years, and then history in the making.

My Mother-in-Law Marcia is an expert on time.  She is 98, and she has always practiced a schedule and her watch is a big part of it.  Marcia still does her own laundry, changes her bed, daily walks with her dog, reading the paper, and she balances her checkbook.  She said she plans her life around time and according to her watch.  She is very aware of time, and there is this connection between the flick of the wrist, the time and what she expects to be doing next.

Her mind frame is there is a time to get up, a time to eat breakfast, morning activities, time for lunch, afternoon rest and activities, afternoon walk with the dog, time for dinner, and then there is time for evening activities, and then time for bed.  Nothing is happenstance, nor is it haphazard.

Too many function by feelings, do I feel like eating, or I felt like eating something sweet, or I did not feel like going to bed etc.  Too much feeling interferes with natural scheduling.  The old circadian rhythm is rendered dysfunctional.

Not everyone has a watch, many depend on their phone.  Phones do lose their battery strength, then where are you?  When you see someone often looking at their phone you wonder are they checking for messages and only half interested in being there with you.  No one really looks at their phone that often for the time, then again, if they are, just send them on their way, why let them waste your valuable time with their lack of attention.

A watch whether it is $100.00 or $7.00 is an investment because it can keep you time-wise.  I am trying to be more aware of time and work in time blocks as Marcia suggested.  A greater sense of accomplishment, routines are vital for our longevity.

Sometimes we just have to get thru it, other times it just fly’s by.  No matter how you look at it time is ours to manage most productively.  Being aware of time is essential.  A time to be born, a time to die, a time to skip about, as King David poetically wrote about.  Later his son King Solomon said at Ecceclasties  9:9-11 ” Enjoy life with your beloved wife all the days of your futile life, which he has given you under the sun, all the days of your futility, for that is your lot in life and in your hard work at which you toil under the sun.  Whatever your hand finds to do, do with all your might, for there is no work nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom in the Grave, where you are going.  I have seen something further under the sun, that the swift do not always have the race,nor do the mighty win the battle, nor do the wise always have the food, nor do the intelligent always have the riches, nor do those with knowledge always have success, because Time an Unforeseen Occurrence befall them all.”    Time to Heed the time in our life.

Buffet, A fat trap or not? How to behave like a skinny person at a Buffet.

We went to a Buffet today.  The experience was very nice.  Did I pig out?  Did I try to get my monies worth?  What is Buffet etiquette?

The array of food, vegetables, salad fixens, pickled veggies, potato salad, mashed potatoes, noodles, stuffing, and meats galore, whom wouldn’t want to occasionally enjoy a buffet?.  Why pig out?  I can make healthful delicious selections knowing I will likely have another meal in about four hours.  Knowing this is not my last meal I realize I do not want to make myself sick over it.  Have you ever heard someone say they got sick after going to a buffet, that always causes me to wonder, Did they eat how many plates of food? Did they wash their hands? How fast did they consume all this food?. These are all factors in how we will feel after consuming a meal at a buffet.

I had one plate of food, a dish of coleslaw, and a 1″ x 1″ brownie, and a cup of tea.  This was great.  I just did not feel like cooking.  I believe I more than got my monies worth.  A couple hours later I had an afternoon snack.  I am content.

Although I am not a doctor, nurse or nutritionist, I still like to consider the physiology of a person.  Our esophagus is only so big around and so long.  Our stomach is said to be about the size of our fist.  How much expanding do we expect our stomachs to do?  Do we pack in so much food that the mechanics between the stomach and upper intestines are not able to function correctly.  Does our food sit and stay compacted in our esophagus?  When we eat a high volume of food, and many eat too fast, our digestive fluids roll up into our throat doing damage to both our esophagus and throat?  For years I have had to have my stomach stretched open, and my throat stretched.  It is a painful experience.  Yet, it helps a lot, because my food will just sit in my esophagus, and the digestive juices make me feel so sick.  Sometimes I get very sick.  It is time for me to go get stretched again.  Eating smaller meals and being sure not to stuff myself is important.  Recently I read, and I do not remember where I read it, that more people are getting cirrhosis of the liver, and it is not from alcohol.  When we eat a lot and a variety, our poor liver has to send out a lot to process all that is coming thru our system.  Our livers are getting worked to death.  Poor liver, let’s give it a break.  No wonder the bible talks about overeating and gluttony being a sin.

Buffet, in the dictionary also means to fight or force.  So are we fighting against the way we were designed to function.  Do we force our bodies to the point of long term injury.  Something to consider.  The other matter of getting our monies worth, the cost of a visit to the buffet for a dinner compared to a decent restaurant it may cost about the same and we are being served our salad, entrée, and a dessert we order from a menu.  The menus have the same germs that the serving utensils at the buffet contain because most people do not wash their hands before handling a menu.  After ordering from a menu I go to the bathroom and wash my hands.

Buffet etiquette, by exercising self respect, respect for others and the world hunger situation we would not want to just pile our plates up.  We can go up and get another plate of food.  This prevents wastefulness or forcing ourselves to clean our plate because we piled it up and we are of the clean plate society.  Washing our hands before, and then again after serving ourselves is considerate.  Most important, it is crucial to wash our hands after, there are so many that do not wash their hands.  When you pick up your roll to eat it, it is like a dozen people already picked it up, because their germs are on the serving utensils.  I leave my plate at the table with loved ones and I go wash my hands.  If for some odd reason I cannot leave to go wash up, I will use a lemon across my fingers and hands and dry with my napkin.  With the many flues and other epidemics, and the fungal infections people carry, I really want to wash my hands.

Skinny people are on to something big, being selective, small portions and eating slow.  Let’s not talk about the disgusting skinny people that pig out and never gain a pound.  It all catches up, maybe not in pounds, but digestive issues can plague anyone.  It can turn a person off to a buffet considering all these topics.  I hope all will benefit from considering our physiology.

Many love the convenience of a buffet, just walk in, serve up, and enjoy friends without taking the whole afternoon.      Enjoy the experience safely, and with dignity.