Month: October 2015

Can You Finish …in three an 1/2 days?

Here we are nearing the end of October.  How are you doing on your punch list?  Are you getting into some good habits?  Are you taking walks, and exercising regularly?  How is drinking plenty of water going?  Are you taking time to express love and care for those in your family?  Is there things you are trying to wrap up as fall turns into winter very shortly?

Habits, something we have to keep doing for positive results.  Keeping our cars cleaned out, putting things away when we are finished, drinking water and exercising, these are a few habits I have been practicing.  I am pleased with the results and expect even better results over time.  I always ended up with piles and I never knew how all these surfaces got so messy.  There are people whom make very neat piles, I am not one of them.  You could find something from everywhere in just one pile.  I do not understand, but I am striving to catch myself before I stack another thing.  It is a matter of prayer for me, that I become aware of my actions.  Being responsible for the messes in our life is the best way to clean them up.  I have to pray daily, or I am oblivious.  It helps a lot.  Now I see a lot of improvement.  I watched a video on the Art of Tidying up, and I am hoping to order the book on Amazon.  A brilliant young oriental woman, I feel her theories are worth applying and experimenting with.  It is already helping.  Over a few months, there has been nominal improvement and what has been organized is staying organized.  I am delighted about that.  Timeframes to consider, how long do I want it to take?  What is reasonable?

The exercise, I do a form of exercise almost everyday, it keeps the sugar down.  My husband tries to go at least twice a week to work out with me at a local gym.  Sadly, I have been craving sugar, the wrong thing, and I have apparently not resisted enough.  It seems to be such an endearing source of comfort to bandage my wounded heart.  That supposedly is hogwash and it is the same mentality that gets any addict into serious trouble.  Talking about this with you, I want to cut back.  When I am so exhausted which is a battle due to this lymphatic infection, I crave sugar and coffee for energy.  I doubt that it accomplishes that.  It is discouraging gaining a couple pounds, what can I expect.

I have been getting a few things completed that were on my mind to do.  My list of things would keep a large group of women employed almost full time if I could afford it.  No wonder I get so overwhelmed.  This week and next week I am just striving to finish a few old projects and get them off my list. It feels so good to get things done.  We must do some painting on the exterior of the house in the next week or so.  It will be too cold for paint to cure if we wait too long.

It is not too late to create your punch list.  This list is essential in the field of construction.  It keeps contractors and subcontractors on track to complete a job.  It is purposeful efficiency, and it is something we could all employ in our life.  This was a part of my career when I worked in the field of architecture and construction.  It is not too late to employ some of those skills into my personal life.  How about you?  Make your list, domestic, work, family, spiritual, fitness and health.  Just put a couple goals under each category and prayerfully consider it.

Faulty Memories, Painful Recollections, When to Quit Reliving The …

There are times I have talked about painful events when I learn the other half of the story.  It changes the reasons or understanding of events.  As a child we understand everything in relation to ourselves and we take it personally.  As a mark of unloveableness when something is not the way it should be, or we are a victim of abuse, or our parents divorce, or ….

There are times I have brought up specific occurrences and the other party says that it never happened, I did not do that.  When I was a child I remember a whole fish, head an tail being put on my plate, and I cried that the fish was looking at me.  She was angry as she took the fish, slammed down the cleaver and then again slammed down the plate, and everyone angrily looked at me with a firm silence that held for a bit.  similar occurence when I got upset about the lobster.  I must have been a sensitive child or a real brat.

I learned how to knit, crochet and embroider as a very little child but I sadly do not remember whom taught me, this distresses me.  I am suspicious that my oldest sister may have taught me, I wish I could ask her.  It just shames me that I cannot remember.  I should remember, it should be a pleasant memory.  It was kind of the person to teach me so much.   I would like to know if I was easy to teach or was I a slow learner.  I remember my sister knitted a couple tunics for me, the pink one I loved to wear.  She was in Germany with her husband whom was in the Army, and she knit these.

When a person remembers something, the fact is our memories can be very limited, even blinded by feelings, and how we felt afterward.  We do not always understand events that surround situations.  I asked my father why he had left my mother and he told me something quite healing.   Only this last year we discussed it.   He left her because she was violent.  He loved children and he opposed such violence.  He had begged her to get help.  When he was called home from work because she thought she had killed this child, that was the last straw for him.  He left, he left four of  us behind, his kids.  He left the Midwest and returned home to Maine.  Men did not have rights back then.  She did not beat everyone, but I became one of her victims and it would have saved years of sadness and pain if he would have addressed the issue.  I believe my older siblings were equally scarred by him leaving as he did, and likely they never fully understood why.  Yet, all knew about the violence.  They pretended it did not exist.

So many years of feeling unlovable, and believing I was marked for abuse and mistreatment.  It caused me to run from love, and run into what was ugly and violent.  When I learned that she had personal problems and that she was not capable of loving me safely this helped me to quit taking it personal.  As all children of abuse do, we return for more, I moved back when I was 21 hoping to be apologized to, hoping for love and approval.  It just was not going to happen.  It must have been painful for her to even look at me.

It is called post traumatic stress, when it still comes to your mind, and you still feel like that vulnerable little kid, and you keep experiencing the same events, and in great detail.  I can see, feel, and smell the events and feelings, and my heart races, and then days later I feel as I did then days later.  My family and friends I have alerted, when I start talking and get in that mode, to help me move onto healthier happy topics.  Against popular beliefs, it just is not healthy to live in dark places,  if we choose to stay there.  It could hurt those we love.  Some things just cannot be explained or reconciled.

We are all damaged goods anymore, most have not been raised in ideal circumstances.  Even if someone had a loving family, they were not wealthy enough, or pretty enough, or athletic enough, or they did not have the opportunities, or sadly they were a victim of some sort.

It is not to be taken lightly what ever our situation, it is just we must continue to live today, work towards a better tomorrow, and make good choices.  Take opportunities to enjoy nature, write a poem, send a letter, take some pictures, eat a fruit, clean a closet, donate some clothes to a shelter, go to the library, and take a positive action toward something that needs done.  Call a loved one you have not talked to in a long time.   Just to see how things are going for them and what they have been doing lately.

When something in the past gets us down, we have to realize we just do not know all the circumstances.  My adoptive mother died over twelve years ago, and I cannot talk to her about any of it.  Yet, I did learn some things about her and I felt compassion.  I learned she was not capable of some things.  What good does it do to mull over the disappointment and pain?  Some people almost refuse to heal.  Having compassion for her does not make what she did right to do.  It is just good to move on into the future.

Confronting pain and issues is not always as healing as once believed.  I was told by a grief counselor to write everyone a letter and unload my feelings about them, confront the issues.  The only thing accomplished was the permanent severing of relationships, delivering them pain.  I have regretted it these last two decades.  There is no healing from that.  People are too quick to advise, but they do not have to live with the loss or other consequences.

Be peaceable, this does not include leaving yourself open to be a victim.  That is not being peaceable to be vulnerable, hurt, and allowing for mistreatment.  It is better to live life with integrity, doing healthful activities, and having some joy.  Do not rehearse painful recollections in your mind and heart, do not burden your friends with the retelling of events.  It does not help anything to keep reliving it.  I have made the mistake for most my life, it does not matter how many times I talk about it, the pain is not erased and I never feel better.  Joyful living is worth striving for.  Map out a new kind of life for yourself.  It is important to prayerfully look back on your life for some good memories and start telling others about them.  That is the healing secret.

My mother was a wonderful cook, I loved the beef stew and yeast rolls she cooked.  I wish she was here to teach me how to do it the way she did.  Unlike me, she was a perfect homemaker, the house was immaculate.  I would have liked to learn more from her.  I tried so hard to be different than her, that I missed out on observing how she accomplished so much.  I miss her.

By freely forgiving we unload the load that keeps us weighed down.   Jesus talked about that a lot.   Sweep out the unhealthy and breath in the refreshing.

Red Flags Going up and Your Defenses are …

All at once you are in the midst of someone whom stresses you out, and they continue on.  What they say and do is overwhelming, how can you regain control?  When your in situations that you feel propel you along and it seems your mind cannot think of a way to change where you think it may be headed, what can you do?

When did the red flags start popping up?  How many excuses did you make that allowed the situation to continue on?  There are times we become victims.  There are times we do not have to become victims.  What can we do when we feel uncomfortable?

Change a situation sooner, excuse yourself.  Do not be in the habit of making excuses for someone that is in the habit of disrespectful behavior.  Mention to them at another time how you felt about the situation and what made you uncomfortable.  Tell them kindly what you would like to see different.

Watching the show Judge Judy you learn there are a lot of people out there surfing through relationships and opportunities where they make themselves at home while exploiting from you.  The victims are so eager for a relationship that when the charmer wants to start bumming the dollars, the money is then extorted.  When the well of affections runs dry, when the money numbers flags go up, then the extorter moves on.  The lonely one then takes them to Judge Judy because they are now on the list of those being made a victim.  Young teenagers should watch Judge Judy so they can see what mistakes to avoid in relationships.  There are men, and there are women that victimize.  Read my previous article:  Whose Movin’ in and Why? on fatfitanfab.com

A friend of mine was approached by someone about dating with the consideration of marriage as the end goal.  She actually did a credit check on him and a background check of sorts.  They have been happily married for years.  He loves to joke about it, but he is delighted he was up to par.

When in a high pressure situation, excuse yourself with the phrase, “I need to call my father, or mother.”  Then call them.  You can tell a person that you do not want to talk right now.  Make a date very soon to talk to them. Keep it safe.  Do not let yourself be bullied into something your not comfortable with.  Just say “NO!”.  Then take your leave.

“Lonely Bar Scene”, we were at a bar, a small group of us were there to listen to some blues with a live band playing.  It was so sad to see all the women coming in dressed so scantily.  They were dolled up and dressed disrespectfully.  If they are looking for love, they will only find a one night broken heart.  Dress the part, think about your attire.  If you want to be respected, dress with respect.  A person can be very attractive dressed decently.  Seeing these young women dancing with a beer bottle in their hand appeared like a disease in modern day society.  Just getting passed around.  I felt so sad for them.  How many of them have been in uncomfortable situations they could not control?  How many keep putting themselves in these situations?  Dressed like that in those situations, what do they expect of these men?  There were older men there, obese men, and plenty of women just like them there.  All looking at their phones, and the loneliness was obvious.  Vulnerabilities obvious, either to become a victim or create one.

Do not let your cell phone checking make you a potential victim.  People are no longer aware of their surroundings.  With checking of the phones, no one sees whose around or what is going on.  Crime is real, look around, be aware.

Do not just go in somewhere just because you are invited.  How long have you known someone?  Do not just invite someone in because you have met them once or twice.   Sometimes, we just have to end the call, try hanging up after saying GOOD BYE.  Being assertive is becoming a practiced skill.  Try it.

Take your time to decide a matter.  Get all the information you can.  Do not be so nice that you blindly enter into a matter.  Nice people are not always smart, but smart people can be nice.   Do not give the benefit of the doubt indiscriminately.  It takes a long time for me to know someone, and it takes a long time for someone to know me.  Take your time, do not be a desperado.

No need to be unduly suspicious, but we need to be cautious.  A scripture I love is ” be cautious as a serpent and as innocent as a dove”.   Do not be a victim, and do not victimize.