When things are not going right …

When things are not going right, and your perplexed what can you do?  Resolving problems is not so easy when emotions are involved, and relationships are at stake.  How do you keep your feelings in check, while your overwhelmed and discouraged?  Finding the answer to problems is not always obvious.

Praying to our Great Creator is always a perfect start to addressing problems.  How we pray is another matter entirely, we can always be sure to Thank our creator for the good we have experienced in our life, then we can let him know we have limited understanding of our problem and thus have a challenge figuring out the best course to follow.  We can ask for wisdom and direction.

Next we should write down our problem and approach it like a business person.  Write out what options we have, at least three.  Then the possible outcomes for each option.  The pros and cons of each, and what happens if we do not make a decision.  We must not be overly pessimistic about the matter, assuming the worst outcome if we make a big decision.  It may work out better than we have guesstimated.  Of course, it could work out worst, and we must be prepared for it.

Being informed about the subject we are approaching is vital.  Yet, discussing it with an intimate friend is not always the best choice.  Their emotions might get the better of them, and you.

Always consider your own moral values when thinking about resolving a matter.  It is best not to second guess your principles or it could nag you forever, and bring the greatest grief.  I remember when I was at a special group meeting for children of alcoholics that a young woman there was in great distress.  She was involved with a married man, he told her the usual tales of his marital woes, and he had her hook, line, and sinker.  She did not know he was married, until after much interaction.  Guilt, she was a slave to, and she wanted to drink, and she wanted to die.  I just let her know how beautiful she was, and that she did not want to hurt another family, and that she is not the first he has fooled around with.  We talked about her freeing herself from this fleabag with no legitimate intentions.  This woman was breaking all her moral values and she was miserable for it.  Love should be a beautiful thing, and if you live with self respect and respect for the creator, you will be the happier for it.

The advise from another is easy to get, yet, they do not have to live your consequences.  Going to an older, mature, person whom has shown by their own life that they live with some principle can be very helpful when soliciting of advice.  Of course the decision is still always yours.  I like to go to   http://www.jw.org and type my problem in the search bar because the way they address issues is well rounded.  It is free, and over 115 years experience, it is great.

This week I have been overwhelmed, sad, and discouraged.  Sometimes I feel a little grouchy, sometimes I want to cry.  The thing that helps me greatest is sticking to my usual routine, and working on a few things I have been putting off.  I have been looking at these shelves in a corner for a few years that I have wanted to paint and put above some special doorways we have.  So, while feeling so blue about my father in hospice, (he is many states away and I cannot get there because of my hernia surgery and recovery), I am very sad.  This Thursday I get my stitches out and then I can get on the plane on Friday.  I hope he lasts til I get there.  I long to sit with him a bit.  I thought of my father as I painted these shelves.  Tomorrow my son will put them up over the doorway and I will be delighted to see it, and it is another thing done.  Although I cannot do regular things, I am doing little things to improve the overall look of our environment.

While going through things, it is vital to still do our laundry, and keep picking up and putting away.  Yet, we must make time to get our cars extra tidy, and do something special with our hair.  Watch a good movie you saw years ago you enjoyed.  Talk about good things with a friend on the phone.  Make something with some skills you have.  Go for a walk with a friend.  It is not always necessary to talk about a problem to resolve it.  Sometimes, we need to get our mind off our problems so we can come back to it with a whole new approach.

If you feel you never get a good outcome when dealing with problems, then maybe you do need to try a fresh approach to an old problem.  Do not respond the same old way, think of an assertive friend and how they might respond, try it.

For example, if you have a mate that likes to holler at you for long periods, think about their heart and health.  Think about your heart and health.  Think about the neighbors.  If you have children in the home, think of them.  New approach, no wining, complaining, threats or ultimatums.  Just say as if you are a good friend to them, the said mate, “I see how frustrated you get when you are expressing yourself, I am concerned about your health, and mine too.  I am also very interested in your feelings.  Your feelings are important to me, but I no longer can be audience to your anger.  It scares me about your health and mine too.  Let us strive to state the concern in thirty seconds or less and then let us see how quickly we can fix the problem.”  Then walk away, start sweeping the floor or something.  If you stand there looking, expecting him or her to agree, it looks like you want a fight.  So just move onto something else, ask them if you can get them a cup of water or something.  Gracious and kind is key to pleasant outcomes.

My first husband was a very violent person.  This really worked for a bit.  Eventually, I realized he had a personal problem and it was not me.  I did not deserve his anger and there was no way I could fix his problem, he was a bottomless pit.  My life has been greatly blessed without him, and I hope he is living respectfully and happily.

We live in a very problematic world.  It is impossible to live in complete peace and security at this point.  We are only in control of ourselves and how we react to a situation.  We can react differently than we usually do, and then we can possibly have a different outcome.  Respect for others, and respect for ourselves means we would never hurt another and we do not open ourselves up to be repeatedly hurt.

I only have a few days left before I leave, and I would like to come home to a more pleasant atmosphere than when I left.  Therefore, besides continuing with my regular routine, I am going to get a few more things done before I leave.  Some problems will have to just work themselves out.  It is great I can meditate on some good memories of my father and me.

Those annoying little things, just nag at me….

Those annoying little things, just nag at me.  Don’t you have things that nag at you?  What a relief it is to get a few of them handled.

Is it a phone call you need to make, or a letter you need to write?  Is it paperwork requesting more information from you?  Or is it spending time with family members you keep putting off?  The piece of trim that needs to be put up, or a leaky faucet.  It may be that your drawers are so stuffed that it is difficult for you to put your clothes away, yet, you seem to be wearing the same old things.

It not only causes us stress when we have visual reminders everywhere of all we need to get done.  It can cost us a great deal of money in some situations if we wait to long to follow thru on things.

A few years ago, our friends James and Olivia invited us to go to a beach house a customer had given them a weeks use for.  I brought along my favorite things, painting to do, knitting etc. and my favorite magazines.  I love to do paintings on trips.  That trip, I just do not remember what painting I did do, but my mind clearly remembers how wonderfully relaxing to be in an environment that was tastefully decorated, nothing needing to be fixed, and nothing needing done.  We were totally replenished.  The effects of that trip lasted a long time for me.

Our home is a real joy to be in, very interesting, eclectic.  Yet, the trim needs to be put up, the stairs need to be stained, and woodwork needs to be finished.  There really is not one room that is totally finished that could be considered a refuge.  I have a goal to make one room like that, and eventually the whole house.  Sometimes, it is not so joyful walking thru because my conscious nags at me, I need to do this, I do not like how that was done and I need to tear it out and get it done right, and I sure wish that painting was done.  It turns out that others feel that way in their homes, I need to clean out my garage so we can use it again, I would like to get the spare room cleaned out, etc.  Sometimes, it is just a matter of taking a drawer, emptying it on the bed, and discovering some favorite items in there that you can enjoy using again and donating the less important things.

When it comes to paperwork and phone calls that get put to the back of the mind.  That creates such mental clutter, no wonder people get so stressed.  It is important to take a bit of time on a Friday morning or a Monday morning and address these things.  It frees up the mind and may save you some money in the long run.

I have been put off with our insurance this last year because they did not properly reimburse me for something.  So, I thought I had handled it alright, and felt it was a lost cause.  Now, that I had to go again to this appointment I called the insurance and said I want to be sure what I am covered for to make sure I will get reimbursed this time.  I mentioned I was a little soured about them not reimbursing me last year.  They surprised me by saying, they needed one thing and they would go ahead and still reimburse me for that.  What a surprise and blessing.

Sometimes, we get a little grouchy because we are so hard pressed.  Making time to get these little annoying things out of the way can surely lighten our load.  Then we can be free to enjoy those we love and smile with them.  When did you last stop, look at your loved one, and smile?  Smiles, are a great way to say Hello, I accept you, I need you, your important to me…Oh, we will touch on that another time.