Red Flags Going up and Your Defenses are …

All at once you are in the midst of someone whom stresses you out, and they continue on.  What they say and do is overwhelming, how can you regain control?  When your in situations that you feel propel you along and it seems your mind cannot think of a way to change where you think it may be headed, what can you do?

When did the red flags start popping up?  How many excuses did you make that allowed the situation to continue on?  There are times we become victims.  There are times we do not have to become victims.  What can we do when we feel uncomfortable?

Change a situation sooner, excuse yourself.  Do not be in the habit of making excuses for someone that is in the habit of disrespectful behavior.  Mention to them at another time how you felt about the situation and what made you uncomfortable.  Tell them kindly what you would like to see different.

Watching the show Judge Judy you learn there are a lot of people out there surfing through relationships and opportunities where they make themselves at home while exploiting from you.  The victims are so eager for a relationship that when the charmer wants to start bumming the dollars, the money is then extorted.  When the well of affections runs dry, when the money numbers flags go up, then the extorter moves on.  The lonely one then takes them to Judge Judy because they are now on the list of those being made a victim.  Young teenagers should watch Judge Judy so they can see what mistakes to avoid in relationships.  There are men, and there are women that victimize.  Read my previous article:  Whose Movin’ in and Why? on fatfitanfab.com

A friend of mine was approached by someone about dating with the consideration of marriage as the end goal.  She actually did a credit check on him and a background check of sorts.  They have been happily married for years.  He loves to joke about it, but he is delighted he was up to par.

When in a high pressure situation, excuse yourself with the phrase, “I need to call my father, or mother.”  Then call them.  You can tell a person that you do not want to talk right now.  Make a date very soon to talk to them. Keep it safe.  Do not let yourself be bullied into something your not comfortable with.  Just say “NO!”.  Then take your leave.

“Lonely Bar Scene”, we were at a bar, a small group of us were there to listen to some blues with a live band playing.  It was so sad to see all the women coming in dressed so scantily.  They were dolled up and dressed disrespectfully.  If they are looking for love, they will only find a one night broken heart.  Dress the part, think about your attire.  If you want to be respected, dress with respect.  A person can be very attractive dressed decently.  Seeing these young women dancing with a beer bottle in their hand appeared like a disease in modern day society.  Just getting passed around.  I felt so sad for them.  How many of them have been in uncomfortable situations they could not control?  How many keep putting themselves in these situations?  Dressed like that in those situations, what do they expect of these men?  There were older men there, obese men, and plenty of women just like them there.  All looking at their phones, and the loneliness was obvious.  Vulnerabilities obvious, either to become a victim or create one.

Do not let your cell phone checking make you a potential victim.  People are no longer aware of their surroundings.  With checking of the phones, no one sees whose around or what is going on.  Crime is real, look around, be aware.

Do not just go in somewhere just because you are invited.  How long have you known someone?  Do not just invite someone in because you have met them once or twice.   Sometimes, we just have to end the call, try hanging up after saying GOOD BYE.  Being assertive is becoming a practiced skill.  Try it.

Take your time to decide a matter.  Get all the information you can.  Do not be so nice that you blindly enter into a matter.  Nice people are not always smart, but smart people can be nice.   Do not give the benefit of the doubt indiscriminately.  It takes a long time for me to know someone, and it takes a long time for someone to know me.  Take your time, do not be a desperado.

No need to be unduly suspicious, but we need to be cautious.  A scripture I love is ” be cautious as a serpent and as innocent as a dove”.   Do not be a victim, and do not victimize.

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Relationships, keep or let go…

When your feeling out of sorts and you cannot think straight because of the inconsiderate actions of another it can be devastating.  People have problems, and people are not perfect.  Most things can be worked through because relationships are valuable.  People too easily discard relationships that should be kept.  Yet, people hang on desperately to the toxic people that bring drama and pain into their lives.  It is very hard to discern what can be let go and what should be addressed.  If someone lies, gossips, and misrepresents you, you have to wonder what other hurt they are capable of.  Do you need the grief?  Can you change a relationship that has generated disrespect?  Maybe, address the problem and do not be afraid of loss, this way the power of manipulation is not there.  Nurturing, loving, supportive people I enjoy sharing my life with, otherwise, being alone isn’t such a threat.  It is quite nice at times.

I am so thankful for all the friends I have in my life, decades of friendships.  The thing that I find so freeing is that I do not have to like everyone, and I do not really care if I am liked.  The friendships I have I treasure and we have mutual respect and appreciation for each other.  I like and love people easily.

Having many personal interests has saved me from bad relationships.  Today, I was a little down from the effects of a sad situation that I find utterly confusing.  I did not let it keep me down for long, going outside and visiting with the chickens, rabbits, cats, dogs, and goats cheered me up.  Picking some cucumbers, squash, tomatoes, and peppers from the garden with my husband was such a pleasant experience.  We are blessed.  The abundance of creation is a delight.  I came in the house just truly counting my blessings.  We enjoyed a salad with our dinner.

Reflecting on my day, I had many joyful interactions with loving appreciative friends.  A sweet little girl sat next to me at the meeting.  Others came up to me and expressed such loving and sweet sentiments.  We had a good time with friends yesterday, and they told us today how much they liked our time together.  It is a privilege to have good friends.  It takes time to know someone, it takes time to make a friend and it is a worthy endeavor.  Being a friend to ourselves is crucial.

I have shed tears about the other situation, and I will address it tactfully.  Therefore, our relationship can flourish.  It is like pushing a reset button.  Relationships are worth keeping and building.