New Schedule, The Adreniline is … I cannot stand it. The Thrill of …

So excited your heart is racing, you cannot focus, the anticipation of it all is driving you up the …   When you have hopes, dreams, ideas, plans, projects, need I say more.  You cannot focus on what your loved ones are talking about, your thinking about it while doing other things, even television cannot take it off your mind.

This is how the Architectural mind works.  The mind of a designer, or a creative person is picturing all the details in their mind.  Do not interrupt my thoughts.  The mind of an engineer or mechanic plotting, analyzing, figuring, assessing, estimating, resolving, all takes mental energy, drive, and enthusiasm.

Applying these traits in our personal life to resolve our stagnation or problems can give us hope while turning our situation upside down like newly tilled soil.  Just as soil needs a good turnover, so doesn’t our life.  While minding our morality and principles we can consider great changes.

How can we assess our life?  Are we lonely?  Are we frustrated?  Are we bored?  Are we fat? Are we tired?  Is the routine predictable?  Is there stagnation with the old hum drum routine?

Some things take time to change, whether it is our financial situation, relationships, esteem, domestic situation, and the list goes on.

Example:  A person that is fat, out of shape, lonely, not treated as respectfully as one would like, that feels opportunities are not offered to them as they are others. This guy can feel quite trapped.  The routine of eating, computer games, and hours of television leaves them frustrated and unfulfilled.  One day this person sees the blog fatfitanfab.com and is inspired to make a couple adjustments.  Replacing unhealthy drinks with more water his skin is clearing up and he is not feeling so sluggish, seems less bloated.  Because he is shutting off the television after the evening news he is getting a few things done in the evening and he is getting to bed earlier.  He has started a thirty minute walk in the early a.m. daily before work.  With the habit of a healthy breakfast each day he has more energy and less cravings.  Just being alert and energetic in the morning it seems he is getting so much more done at work.   He cannot believe how he now has to wear a belt because he really needs to buy a size smaller in pants.  Others notice the change in him and seem to enjoy conversation with him because he seems more happy.  The boss is responding as if he has greater confidence in him now.

You see what I am getting at, just a few little changes in habits and routines can enrich our lives.  It is very thrilling to contemplate.

My goal is to go to bed earlier, to get up earlier, and to spend the time in the morning doing what I usually view as a treat to do, do that until noon before I need to get my daily responsibilities done.  I realize I have been doing it wrong, like dangling a treat, that I never will get, only to be disappointed day after day.  As if that would be my reward just if I …you know how it goes, we do it to ourselves, to our kids, to our loved ones.  The promised incentive that never comes.

Doing an abrupt face is exciting, addressing the problem completely differently.  Thinking of our children, when we practice the method of  going to the park after you finish your homework it causes frustration, anger, and sadness.  The homework session drags out hopelessly until it is too late to go to the park.  Real punishment.  Instead, ask the child how long it will take to do the homework, then go to the park with that in mind.  Have a great time.  As soon as you get home and the child washes their face and hands, drinks some water, then right away get to the homework.  Set the timer with that much time and add a buffer of fifteen minutes for the encouragement.  A few days of the park first may prove to be stimulating for the child.  Whom wants to go to school all day and sit in front of the homework for an hour or two.  Instead of resentment, it will be refreshment, accomplishment and joy.

What my sons have done to enrich their life is they have a bowling league now on Wednesdays, and they have a great time.  One evening a week going to a bible meeting is rewarding.  An evening at the Library or local book store.  Whom is lonely now.  We can be alone enjoying any of these activities and not feel lonely.  We have an activity to look forward to.  My husband took me to the bookstore tonight.  After days of being sick and unable to go anywhere I was thrilled when he suggested going to my favorite store.  I love the “how to” section, how to cook, sew, or knit, etc.  I know how to do all these things but I just love projects and I feel like an crazy nut about all I want to do.  In reality it is not possible to do all I want to do, but I will think about that tomorrow…

Your whole family will benefit from a few adjustments in your life.  The whole family and loved ones may not at first cooperate with the hoped for changes.  It may be us alone making the adjustments while not forcing change on others.  Include your family in these changes invitingly an see joy restored.   Just as an Architect, Engineer or Mechanic address a problem.  We can assess our life an redesign it with optimism.  Is your Adrenaline pumping and is your heart racing?

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November, only Four weeks long, what will we do with our time ….

November, so much to consider.  Seasons changing, time changing, attire changing, does anything stay the same?

Some things are good to keep the same, it is nice to be able to depend on a few things.  Five Sundays and five Mondays, do not be blue about Mondays.  We have five Sundays to catch up on rest, or chores, or projects.  Mondays are known as the start of things, what can we start?

Before it gets too late into the month we can call family members an see how they are doing.  Make time to visit long distant family members or send a card.  Has there been an estrangement?  Forget the issue, there are many reasons why, and they are not important as the years fly by.  Things can be misrepresented, misunderstood, misadvised, and just totally misdone.  Likely all feel sorry.  Yet, all miss out when there is an estrangement.  Reach out, remember the good, heal the breach, reconcile.  My ex father in law called Sunday and it has been years, I did not even recognize his voice until he laughed.  Nice visit on the phone.

Movies at this time of year are all so inspiring regarding spread the love, be kind to strangers, etc.  Love your neighbors, love your family and love strangers, put it into action.  Yet, be safe, do not be unwise.  People experience all sorts of fraud at this time of year because they want to be “good deed doers..”  as said on Wizard of Oz.  We can be responsible humans, considerate to fellowman, and if we consider ourselves Christian than Be that Christian the scriptures describe regarding the New Personality.  My father said, “Be what you say.”  His 7th grade education was weightier than an expert in a said field.  If you feel you are honest, then be honest, if you feel you are moral, than be moral.  If you feel you are loving, be loving.

Think of a goal, such as consider your prime responsibilities in life, are you a Husband, Wife, Father or Mother?  Consider how you can be better at that.  It is easy to assume we have it down pat and there is no need for improvement, but there is always room for improvement.  All can be more loving, more helpful, express love more often and show appreciation.  Help out with the expenses by not being so expensive to maintain.  Contribute more to the household by doing chores to help your mate with what they would normally do.  If there is more than one, than one alone should not be fixing the meals and doing the cleanup.  Help, do something, help with the dishes, or sweep or clean the bathroom.  Surprise your loved one with an unexpected card or a small gift, or meet them for lunch.  I met my son for lunch and we only arranged it an hour before.  It was so nice spending time with him at a restaurant close by his work.  He will be 23 this month and I cannot believe my middle son has grown to be such a wonderful adult.

My goal for November is to improve my part of all relationships I value.  Allot can happen in November, you can warm up your life.  “Be what you say!”

Estrangement, it happens too often, is there someone you have left behind?

Estrangement, it has become too common and there seems to always be a reason for it.  Sometimes, it is just someone not making that first phone call, sometimes it is something that happened years ago and people just do not forgive and let it go.

People move so much because of employment and other opportunities and the habit of familial communication has gone to the wayside.  People just do not keep in touch with their family because their lives are so busy.  People get forgotten.   Or people say, I should call Aunt “Ruthie, or I should call my brother,  a thought is postponed and more years go by.  It seems neighbors and workmates have become the new family in some situations.

New technology makes people think they are keeping in touch with posts, but that is not true personal communication.  Even texting is not the same as speaking into a phone and hearing the voice of a loved one.  Conversation is becoming a lost art.

There is the fact that people get offended and hurt, and grievances are not addressed and relationships are dropped as if they never mattered.  Fight for the relationship.  Admit, apologize, and do not do it again.  If you feel someone offended you, ignoring them for years does not settle a problem.  Address the issue.  A loved one is being missed out on.  Sometimes people do not realize that what they did was so harmful and they may not even be aware of the harm done.  Your ignoring them is a hint they will never get.  If you can just forgive and let go than that may reestablish a good relationship.

There was a time I felt trampled on in every way, it was recommended that I read a book on the subject of Boundaries.  It helped me then in so many areas.  I try to practice this in my life all these years later.  Respect other peoples likes and dislikes, do not push it, and let your likes and dislikes be known.  How can people respect you if they do not know how you feel about certain things.  If I do not like early morning phone calls and my friend keeps calling me at 6 am, then I am going to tell her to call me in the afternoon.  If she says, this is my favorite time to call, I have to say it is my worst time to get a call, and Please do not call me in the mornings.  If they continue with the bad behavior then just tell them do not call me, I will call you, then call when convenient for you.  Boundary established.  If there is someone whom continually challenges your principles, and disrespects you than that is not a healthy relationship.  It is ok to let relationships go that are harmful to your emotional or physical peace.  Just speak up, and mean it.

When someone has violated you unlawfully than estrangement is a necessary protection.  Safety and self respect always come first.  When you have been defrauded than they have established the estrangement.

If there is someone in your life that you have not contacted in years, you may be missing out on the good things you remember about them and the family.  Years go by, people change, and situations change.  Maybe you have changed too.  It may be beneficial to all involved to attain peace.

There are other family members being hurt because of the dispute.  If two brothers are not talking than the parents are torn.   It hurts all the family for disputes that go on.  I thought what I experienced with my own family was uncommon, but I  hear about it so often, it is sad.

What if someone in the family changed their religion or were wild years ago and you have not communicated in years.  Is there a chance they may want to hear from you.  The wild one may not be so wild anymore, and the religious one may live their life differently than you but they still care for you.

My siblings told me if I did not leave my abusive husband that they would disown me and never talk to me again.  To me it was just another abuse, another form of domination, another ultimatum, another threat.  Now, being divorced almost twenty years, and not having my siblings in my life, it is painful and sad.  I wonder when they will get real, grow up, get a heart.  That was the wrong way to help a person that is in an abusive situation, it is another abuse.  They missed out on so much good, and my wonderful children growing up without aunts and uncles.  I miss them still.  I have reached out, they are not interested and I must have hurt them irreparably.   I am fortunate to have many good friends that have been aunts and uncles to my sons, and brothers and sisters to me.  I am blessed.

Sometimes you can feel powerless to change an situation of estrangement.  Fear of another rejection, or fear of hateful words, fear of being blamed, fear of being accused and hearing unkind words.  These can be valid reasons for fear,  yet, emotions can make us think the worst case scenario.  I have a friend whose daughter got wild in her teens and she ran away.  All these years later, the mother knows her daughter had a child and raised it.  The mother would love to communicate with her daughter and it is a painful unresolved situation.  Just talk about the good and reset the relationship.

Hashing over the mistakes, words, and actions does not always improve a situation.  What does a person want, to just get it off their chest and not have a relationship.  A doctor told me to send each of my siblings a letter and confront them.  I did that and regret it, did they need to be reminded of their mistakes.  It accomplished nothing and ruined a chance for reconciliation.  If you want a relationship, it is not always necessary to rehash.  Sometimes confronting issues can create more hurt and a relationship sought is not available.  It may not be necessary to address things if those days are gone by.  Just send a card with a few words of kindness, do not write pages, do not blame and find fault.  Just keep it condensed and simple and write something little about yourself that is positive.  Put your phone number and email address in and send.  It may be a sweet surprise to them.  And the response may be more affectionate than you expected.  Risk it, you might not get a response, but than again you might.

CHANGE, is it possible? A transformation How?

Change?  Why change, you’re great just how you are.  There are things about you that are unique to you, whether fat or thin, you are fabulous.

Think of the caterpillar that isn’t so pretty but the future is bright, and the transformation is inevitable.  The lunar moth, or the butterfly is amazing.  Imagine if someone killed the moth larvae’ or stomped a caterpillar, preventing this transformation because of viewing the present state as unappealing.

First, we do not want to do that to ourselves, judging ourselves too harshly, condemning ourselves as unworthy.  We are our own investment, and those we love appreciate when we take good care of ourselves, and our responsibilities.  Whom are we to compare ourselves to another, or even to our past self.  Times change us, circumstances call for an adjustment of our expectations.  The bible tells us to let our reasonableness be known to all.  We improve our own life and bless the lives of those we love.

Secondly, there may be people that are very comfortable with us in our sad state.  Our improvements make them uncomfortable.  If we stay fat, unhappy, and unorganized they depend on that.  They compare themselves to us and immediately they feel superior.  Why would we want to be viewed in such an unhealthy way?  Our esteem stays low, and we feel undeserving.  If you make the habit of making yourself look nice, pay attention to your family and friends.  If someone responds negatively to you, you know a little more about them, Don’t you?!  I have friends that do not want me to lose weight, they tell me a pound a month is just fine, or that I must accept my weight.  Are they really a friend?

I recall that when I lived up in Chicagoland, there was a time I was very unhealthy and I was heavy.  Dressing in colorful clothes cheers me up.  So I started dressing with great cheer.  Someone I considered my friend, informed me that being a large woman I should tone down and wear just browns and blacks like they do in Chicago.  The professional and sophisticated woman dresses in dark colors she said.  My response came rather quickly, I said, “The reason the women dress in brown and black is that they are in a state of gloom and doom, there is no future for them other than what they are doing now.  I serve a God of great color.  Birds, butterflies an flowers are a great show of color and they are my inspiration.  When I wear color or if I wear black, it does not change my size, I could be some big black bird or I can be a lovely cheerful image.”  She did not take well to this.  The point being, when you discover others do not support your positive changes, do you need their discouraging oppression?

The other problem is if others try to oppress you with expectations of change too heavily.  For instance, I have been working on maintaining a schedule while I strive to get my domestics organized.  Some would just like to pull up a dumpster and clear all my surfaces while they brag that they did all this.  Like, forcing their way on me.  Maybe they do not like having books around, and hobbies to do, and they consider themselves minimalist.  The fact that I sweep my floors daily, keep my kitchen and baths clean, and do my towels and sheets each week means I do not live in squalor.  I do not want to minimize the fact that I do have clutter which I am diminishing.  Having operations every ten months for the last ten years, being on bed rest and having home health care on a number of occasions and the list goes on, there are times everything gets out of control.  I have hired people as I can to keep the house wiped down, the floors clean etc.  It is just there are well meaning people whom would like to come in with black trash bags and clear out the place.  There are times that I am housebound, and having my projects around keeps my mind and heart busy as well as inspired.  I am handicapped and I spend a lot of time at home, and this is my home.  Pressure and judgment from others whom have a lack of  understanding and compassion only set a person backwards in their progress.  There are times we must submit to change if our situation is extreme and unhealthy.  Otherwise, people need to respect another persons legal and moral right to conduct their own life.

It takes time to change, and it takes time for others to recognize nominal change.  The practice of good habits will result in change.  So if your goal is taking a long time in being achieved there may be ways to step it up.  I will discuss this in another post very soon.  Remember, it is important to already be cared for and loved now as you are.  Even if it is only you whom loves yourself and sees your good qualities, that is crucial in your transformation.  If no one wants to love me while I am fat, I do not care for their love when I am thin.  If I am only loved thin, then how much do I need the love.

The change and transformation we are working for is also helping us to earn and acquire a health esteem.  That is not the same as narcissism or self centeredness.  We are healthfully making the internal and external adjustments in our habits and lifestyle.  Aren’t we beautiful?

Hello world!

After years of filling notebooks, I was encouraged to just write, and publicize.  Eventually, when I do publish the book Fat, Fit and Fabulous I will have to get an editor.  Yet, in the meantime, I feel there is so much we can accomplish together.  Most people want to improve their lives, make adjustments, make decisions, and to feel better about themselves.  The goal of Fat, Fit, and Fab is to support and encourage just one person or many to stick with the changes in behavior and actions that will help them to succeed.  As I make some serious adjustments in my own life, it is wonderful having your support as well.

I have heard from a few people whom really appreciate my approach to the subjects I present.  I would like to say, I am not a doctor, or of the mental health field.  I am what you could consider a long distant friend offering support.  Every person has a unique situation and I do not have any special insights.  It is my prayer that what I present can help you to feel fabulous about what you can achieve through application of healthy habits and honorable decisions.