Focusing on what we think others see makes us blind to reality.

A number of us were at a friends playing cards and two times during the game she referred to her color at what I thought was unusual timing.  I did not like that aspect of playing a game with her, I felt it was almost manipulative and insulting to hear her statements, “Because I am _____….”  She was putting prejudices up before us that we did not notice or feel, but I felt she was prejudice.  I viewed her as a very intelligent attractive woman whom was good at cards.

I notice I do the same thing, when it comes to my weight.  I mention it all the time.  Just as this persons race seems to be on her own mind all the time, My view of myself as FAT is always on my mind.  This is unfair to those whom love us, it makes people uncomfortable to have such things referred to continually.  When we are around thin or fit people, is there a chance it wears them out to always have it referred to.  It is almost better to just tell them, Your very fit and you look good, is there a certain routine or program you do to keep yourself that way?  One woman at my cardiovascular surgeons office says she runs, and loves free weights.

Aren’t we so much more than our color, weight, or beauty?  It is whom we are, how we conduct our life, and the integrity we demonstrate in our daily dealings.  The front of a popular Running magazine had a heavier woman on it running, and people everywhere discussed it.  I feel she is the perfect role model for the site.  She is demonstrating fitness by being out there doing it.  If you see an obese person out for a walk, give them the thumbs up!  It is not possible for a person to go from fat to thin in a day, but it is the habit of exercising and diet that makes a person fit.  If a person is overweight and walking a few days a week doesn’t that deserve commendation. If we know someone whom is obese, offer to go on a walk or bike ride with them.

Being overweight is not always because of unhealthy food choices or lack of activity.  I have a friend whom is quite overweight just because of her birth control.  Another person I know has problems with her thyroid, and for me, it is the combination of medications, injuries, operations, antibiotics, IV treatments, and topical steroids with antibiotic treatments.  Assuming another is heavy for discrediting reasons feeds them with some very discouraging notions, and it can effect their esteem.  Encouragement and interaction is the best way to help.

When my husband an I were out celebrating our anniversary, I was taken by surprise when a young man came up and said how beautiful I am.  Later he said it again, that he really meant it that I looked great in that dress and over all was very beautiful.  Before we left the house I felt like the big blonde in the blue dress.  It elated me to realize how wrong I was, it felt so good to hear something delightful and I decided to believe it.  My husband was there and later he said, “You really do look beautiful tonight and that dress looks great on you.”  The gift of positive words, we need to accept them graciously and feel good about them for a while. Why are we so ready to believe negative and reject the positive.  That is not fabulous living.

Blind people seem to see others best of all because they do not have the physical appearance serving up to be a barrier.  If we could make an effort to enjoy others of differing looks and backgrounds we may truly start seeing people.  Believing that all others see is our weight or color is an insult to them, and we sell ourselves short.  It not only demeans us, but them.  We must quit being blinded by shallow things.  If we can remember that others are more than what we see, and we are more than what they see, we will discover a substance worth knowing.

Clean up this Life ….

Clean up our life, many people have a great and amazing life.  The rest of us need to take a good look at our life and see what adjustments we could make to improve the overall situation.

There are many areas we can consider:  Here are just five areas that could make a big difference in our life.

1.  Presentation:  As a very large woman I have come to realize that the presentation of self makes a difference in how I feel and how others respond to me.  A few heavy gals I know dress very nicely, but I have seen some become more immodest as the pounds come on.  The more pounds the lower the blouse goes.  The tighter the pants get.  I feel embarrassed for them.  The kind of attention they receive may not be honorable.  Or show any kind of respect for them.

Have a neat clean appearance, put on a small amount of make-up if you like, and do our hair nice, even our nails can be clean and nicely shaped.  Wearing attractive clothes that are modest improve the overall image.  Even getting an occasional pedicure inspires good feeling.  Being heavy gives me a lot of practice, so when I become thin, I will already be dressing and looking this way.  Have you ever seen a large woman whom is lovely with a beautiful smile that dresses nice?  That could be you.

2.  Conversation with a smile.  There is an art to good communication.  Personally, I do not like the question  “How are you?”  I feel that is a dead end question.  Do I tell them how bad I really feel and how hard it was to get out today.  Or do I just say fine when it is not fine.  Instead a question I like is:  “What have you been busy with lately?”  People love to tell you what they have been doing.  Listen, do not be too quick to take over with your own thoughts.  Respond to their thoughts and expressions with something like “How long have you been working on that”?  “what caused you to be interested in that?”  Let them talk.  You will enjoy listening to another.  I already know how I think and feel, I am interested in how others think and feel.   Then you can say, I ventured in that a few years ago and got off track, maybe you can help me get started again.  Thus, more promising interchanges and possibly spending time with a new friend.  If there is time for it, you can tell them something interesting you have been doing, working on, or going to, and I am sure they will want to hear about it.  If the conversation drops, you can still remember what they told you, and next time you see them you can ask them about it.  Comfort levels will increase, and a friendship can develop.

3.  Our surroundings, are we clean and organized.  That is such a challenge.  Some are naturals at this and I admire them.  Closets can be a big problem.  Especially when you have winter and summer mixed together, or a variety of sizes, or casual with the dress.  It is good to pull all out of and organize by type:  a shirt section, a skirt section, dress section, casual, short coats, long coats.  Even then organize your skirt section by colors like a rainbow.  Then the dress section.  It helps when getting dressed to quickly pick out what you need.  If you are in a few different sizes and you constantly shuffle thru to find what will fit, it can be discouraging.  Make a section for just what you can where now.  This has made my life so much easier.  I use to cry just pulling out 20 items to see what would fit.

4.  Time management, everyone has time to manage.  Responsibilities can take so much time and energies.  It is hard to get the checkbook balanced and the laundry done when your overwhelmed with obligations.  Make a big calendar page and fill it up with the time blocks of your obligations, then see what time is not filled.  If it is all filled until bedtime, then there are a few things to consider.  Are all obligations essential?  A friend was running a kid to dance lessons and the other to football, and then to a camp, etc. and she would be at the meets, games and recitals.  She felt she was doing what she should be doing for the children, yet she was ruining her health, nervous system, and she became resentful. Do you have a choice as far as the extracurricular?  Limit the extracurricular.  Some kids do not like it as much as you may think.  The kids still have scholastic pressures, and kids get tired too.  Some kids get stressed and start getting head aches and pain because it is too much for them.  From school to the extra curricular, to home for quick dinner and down for a heavy load of homework.  It can be too much for all.

Make time during your lunch hour to prepare a bible lesson, or take a walk, or balance a check book, or make important phone calls, or rest because you need to.  Using time blocks can help you to find bits of time to fulfill all your responsibilities.  Throw the laundry in, take a walk, put laundry in dryer, vacuum a room or two, clean the bathroom. fold the laundry and put away.  Sit and have a cup of coffee and read a bit.  That was just a time block.  You got a lot done.  Because I do not have a lot of energy, I work in small blocks and get more done.

5.  Obeying the laws, no speeding, paying our bills on time, saves us money and peace of mind.  Need I say more.  The cost of the ticket and increase in insurance is no small price to pay for the two or three minutes we imagine we save by speeding.  Obey the limit, do not get pulled over, and save your money.  Fines on the bank account, or fees on late bills.  Living within our means can add up to a lot of savings and again, peace of mind.

Cleaning up our habits and routines saves us time.  Reassessing what our obligations are and being sure whether they are important or not.  This could help us be in better control of our time.  Being mindful that whether we are obese or just plump, we need to present ourselves in well arranged attire.  We do not have to wait until we are thin to feel good about ourselves.  Our whole self image can improve with a new attitude of exercising healthy habits and cleaning up our life now.  We can build a better life now.  Start today.