I have been neglecting you. Last Sunday an emergency room visit revealed a double hernia. Last fall I had surgery for a hernia, and I just hadn’t gotten my stamina and energy back. Strange pains made me wonder was it MS or an appendicitis. The pain was so bad I felt like I had contractions and was having a baby. My husband took me right to the hospital.
Because I have had 27 operations in my young life, I have some scar tissue, and with the hernias pulling at the scar tissue, well, that causes serious problems and pain. On Monday I go to the surgeon and he will let me know how soon I will be getting my surgery. It is a bit discouraging and revealing.
For a couple months now I have just been totally exhausted and quite irritable. So when my son and his wife expressed that they were irritated with me for not doing as well as they thought I should be doing with my domestics I felt really hurt. They really expected I should be progressing. I thought I was progressing and my husband thought I was too. I do have a long way to go. My daughter in law is a great worker and helper, and I hired her to help me. Many times she was here I would have to go lay down for a bit. When I tried to help, I could not keep up with a fit, young 20 year old. I did not know I had these hernias. You know how it is, when you do not feel good, you do not always receive things well, and it is easy to misunderstand. I have been handicapped for a few years with other problems. Never the less, they had great intentions thinking they would help me to get it together once and for all. Wouldn’t I love to have it together, to stand on my own, to never need a thing, I do have pride. The body just does not cooperate. Today I had a few things I needed to do to prepare for surgery, and a few things I wanted to do. I have only reclined because I do not feel good. I am sad because I really wanted to do these things. My son and his wife are so organized and they do not have one extra thing in their house. I am very proud of them for how they keep it together so wonderfully. It saddens me they are disappointed in me.
Being hurt, I spouted off, they are hurt too and greatly disappointed in me. I am totally confounded. Physically hurting, and now emotionally hurting, I cannot sort out my own problems. I am not a good example for others, I am so sorry to all of you that take the time to read my posts. I write because it seems to be the only thing I do well. It is your choice if you want to continue on with me. Now, I do write about what I know, and I am always working on what I suggest. Let us continue to help each other and continue progressing. It looks like I will not be able to write every day, but do not forget about me because if I can write, you know I will.