Neglecting You, I am sorry,

Dear Friends,

I have been neglecting you.  Last Sunday an emergency room visit revealed a double hernia.  Last fall I had surgery for a hernia, and I just hadn’t gotten my stamina and energy back.  Strange pains made me wonder was it MS or an appendicitis.  The pain was so bad I felt like I had contractions and was having a baby.  My husband took me right to the hospital.

Because I have had 27 operations in my young life, I have some scar tissue, and with the hernias pulling at the scar tissue, well, that causes serious problems and pain.  On Monday I go to the surgeon and he will let me know how soon I will be getting my surgery.  It is a bit discouraging and revealing.

For a couple months now I have just been totally exhausted and quite irritable.  So when my son and his wife expressed that they were irritated with me for not doing as well as they thought I should be doing with my domestics I felt really hurt.  They really expected I should be progressing.  I thought I was progressing and my husband thought I was too.  I do have a long way to go.  My daughter in law is a great worker and helper, and I hired her to help me.  Many times she was here I would have to go lay down for a bit.  When I tried to help, I could not keep up with a fit,  young 20 year old. I did not know I had these hernias.  You know how it is, when you do not feel good, you do not always receive things well, and it is easy to misunderstand.  I have been handicapped for a few years with other problems.  Never the less, they had great intentions thinking they would help me to get it together once and for all.  Wouldn’t I love to have it together, to stand on my own, to never need a thing, I do have pride.  The body just does not cooperate.  Today I had a few things I needed to do to prepare for surgery, and a few things I wanted to do.  I have only reclined because I do not feel good.  I am sad because I really wanted to do these things.  My son and his wife are so organized and they do not have one extra thing in their house.  I am very proud of them for how they keep it together so wonderfully.  It saddens me they are disappointed in me.

Being hurt, I spouted off, they are hurt too and greatly disappointed in me.  I am totally confounded.  Physically hurting, and now emotionally hurting, I cannot sort out my own problems.  I am not a good example for others, I am so sorry to all of you that take the time to read my posts.  I write because it seems to be the only thing I do well.  It is your choice if you want to continue on with me.  Now, I do write about what I know, and I am always working on what I suggest.  Let us continue to help each other and continue progressing.  It looks like I will not be able to write every day, but do not forget about me because if I can write, you know I will.

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